Monday, May 05, 2008

Another Wedding

I was in a wedding in Oklahoma this weekend. One of my closest friends from college got married to a guy she's been dating for a few years. This marks the 6th time I've been an usher in a wedding I believe. I'm over ushering in weddings, but I guess that's what happens when most of your closest friends are girls.

The wedding was beautiful and a lot of fun. I got to see several people from college that I hadn't seen in years, and it was nice just to get out of town and have a break from every day life. I'm not sure how, but things have gotten really hectic here in Houston. Every time I turn around I've got something to do or something that needs to be done. I also got to see the bombing memorial, which was beautiful and very moving.

Back to the wedding- during the service (and I should admit that this has happened in the last few weddings I have been to), I couldn't help but feel a little turned off by the words of the pastor. He said all the normal things...covenant under God, God has brought them together, etc. Call me a cynic (and in their defense, I really do think this couple is great together), but the whole tradition of the wedding seemed almost insincere to me. It's a disturbing feeling to have, to say the least.

Apparently God had brought them together to be together until the end. That's what the pastor said, at least. I hope they are together forever, but all I can think about when I hear these words spoken at the weddings I attend is how hollow they seem. I've ushered in 6 weddings, and by the time it's all over, half of them will probably prove that God somehow hadn't meant for them to be together forever.

It was a wedding. I'm happy for my friend. She looked amazing and I could tell how happy she was and will be. I'm just wondering if it might be the slightest bit disingenious at weddings to proclaim that God has brought a couple together to live forever when it's a good bet that a lot of time that's going to turn out not to be the case.


At 5/5/08 9:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hrm...I think this is a tough one. I would like to think that most people go into a marriage expecting -- or at least hoping -- that it will last forever. So I can certainly understand that.

But then again, I agree that it's pretty silly to assume that God has ordained it to be so. But then, I have to admit that I find the common (or at least common in my experience) attitude about God's role in marital relationships to be weird in general.

At 5/5/08 9:04 PM, Blogger grace said...

Brady, the "marriage expert" will chime in. lol Does the fact that I've been married twice give me an expert opinion in this matter? ;)

Here's the deal....I've had similar thoughts at weddings but in a more pained and probably less cynical way, just because of my particular circumstances and having lost a marriage that I'd gone way above and beyond to save (not bragging...tdub would agree with that sentiment)...but I'd still approach a wedding(or a committment of that type) with the intent of it lasting forever. I'm curious...did you and J not use any language of that sort at your wedding?

I'm beginning to see more and more that God's intent and the reality of many situations are two entirely different things. Which is what makes our salvation so takes care of all that stuff. Not to be taken for granted, but that's what grace is and we do benefit from it with every breath... at least that's my thinking on it.

I rambling. Sorry. We experts will do that from time to time.

love ya!

At 6/5/08 7:20 AM, Blogger Brady said...

Hey Pam- great thoughts. That does make sense, and I definitely see the point that God's intent and reality aren't always going to go hand in hand.

J talked to me about this post yesterday and said his issue was that in most "traditional" wedding, the vows are so set in stone, the couple often doesn't even get to tell their new spouse how they feel from a personal standpoint. The pastor says the vows one line at a time, the bride or groom repeats them, and that's it. It's almost like we've been trained that that's supposed to be meaninful, but when you think about it, it's the same thing everyone says. I thought it was a good take, and maybe helps define my cynicism a bit.

To answer your question about our wedding (and honestly, not to say what we did was better than anyone else), but we really tried to stay away from a lot of the tradition. Since this was not a traditional wedding, we figured it was our opportunity to do things how we wanted to do them.

So, for our vows we just spoke to each other. Neither one of us rehearsed what we were going to say, we just went up there and said them to each other and our guests. I choked out the words (literally choked them out because I was so emotional). And you're right, I did say things about how lucky, excited, etc. I was to be able to spend the rest of my life with him. I guess my issue is the proclomation that God has ordained it to be in most weddings. We didn't go that far, but now I see your point on why that is said and how it works.

Man, talk about rambling ;-)


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