I Like Being GayI've got a lot on my mind right now, and I have two posts that I want to write soon, but I don't have time right this second. Hopefully I'll get around to them soon.
For now, though, I want to write about a realization I came to this weekend.
I wrote a post a while back (and it got printed later as a letter to the editor in The Advocate) about how I used to hate being gay. A while back, I would have given anything to not be gay. At some point, though, I stopped hating it and came to piece with it. But, even during that time, I always considered being gay was something I needed to live with and deal with. I didn't hate it, and I'd say I was content with it, but that's as far as I'd go.
But, somehow I came to a conclusion recently that I actually like being gay.
I'm sure this is going to sound absurd to some people (especially some of my non-gay readers), but it's true. Yes, my life is going well right now. I have a good job, a wonderful boyfriend (husband--I need to get used to that), great friends and hopefully a bright future. But, I've had all of that for a while, so my happy life isn't what led me to this realization. Even with all of this, there was always this thought in the back of my mind that if I was straight life would be easier, family would be prouder, future would be brighter.
This weekend, for some reason, I realized how myopic those thoughts were, and all of the sudden it came to me.
I don't just like my life, but I actually specifically like being gay and the qualities that it has brought me. I realized that for me, being gay has been more than just being attracted to guys. As I've slowly come out over the years, I've found myself to be more tolerant than I used to be, more easy going, more open-minded, and really more caring than I once was. I've grown to be more empathetic and more understanding of others, and most importantly, more confident and laid back. I'm not as worried about what people think of me, and as I've grown, I realize that even most virulently anti-gay folks are anti-gay out of fear, misunderstanding, or even heart-felt concern rather than hate. I'm able to see people more for who they are and where they are coming from than for what they are saying.
Yes, you could say that this is all part of growing up or growing older, but I really feel like some of these qualities have come about specifically because I'm gay. I have no qualms about hugging my best friends (male or female) and kissing them goodbye. I don't have a shield around me like I see with many straight guys. I'm basically happy now with who I am, and that means a whole lot.
So that's basically it. It's the very long way of saying that these days, if someone came to me with a magic pill and said I could take it and go back in time and be straight from day 1 (or even from today), I wouldn't take it.
I like being gay. It makes me unique, gives me perspective, and it just makes me who I am. This may not sound like such a revelation to some of you, but to me, it's huge.