Friday, August 26, 2005

More Personal Stuff

I was thinking the other day that I haven't written anything about my personal life in a while, so here goes.

I'm in my mid-twenties. I'm conflicted these days. Maybe it's that stupid quarter life crisis (honestly, how absurd is that?), but maybe it's not--who knows. Anyway, don't get me wrong. I enjoy having a job that pays well (and the money and stability that comes along with that). In college money was a big deal for me (making sure I had enough mostly). And while that is still important, I'm not in danger of overdrawing on my bank account anymore. Then there's being able to buy a house, get a car that isn't breaking down all the time and all of that good stuff. So, all that is well and good. I enjoy the responsibility that is post-college life, and the "freedoms" that are a part of that.

My problem has always been that I am a nostalgic person. So now here I am thinking about being younger. There really is something to be said for having fewer responsibilities. Going to school a few hours a day, going to work a couple more, and having the rest of the time to goof off with your friends and sleep in really isn't that bad of a deal. Sure I forget how much I detested writing endless papers or studying countless hours for tests or especially having that dread constantly in the back of my mind on Sundays that something was due in the coming week (I like not having that feeling any more, let me tell you), but still.

Anyway, maybe I'm being overly dramatic. The routine of spending 10 hours a day at work, followed by maybe 3 waking hours at home is just getting to me I guess. If anyone would like to help me become independently wealthy, shoot me an email, because I am definitely down. Ok, enough whining. I hope everyone has a good weekend!


At 26/8/05 1:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It sounds to me as if you’re experiencing an existential dilemma. And in my opinion this quarter life crisis (not, btw, absurd or unreal) has much to do with the American culture idolizing youth and the gay culture holding it in particular reverence.

You’re quite the romantic. You look back at your college years with nostalgia and yearning, while recognizing at the same time that you have more power, mobility, and freedom now as a man who owns his house and has a stable job. We always look back at our youth with a false sense of wonder; we gloss over the sorrows and lack of youth; we don’t remember youthful mistakes and trials. That’s not to say that the freedom of youth was not truly free, but it was bound by anticipation and hope (we want to graduate to get a good job that pays money – which you seem to have done, my friend). We forget the shackles.

So the underline crisis for you may be the fear of getting old. Old people are looked at with such despair and pity, and in the gay world, even disdain or disgust. So the gay boys preen and pull. They deny and deride. Pity the old queen in the corner. What a shame we don’t celebrate the wisdom of old age.

Yes, you pay your dues with long work hours, but I bet if you want to exercise your power and demand (slightly) fewer hours I bet you can do it. Maybe the problem is that you don’t recognize (accept) your power? If you truly only have 3 waking hours at home, make those hours worthwhile. Think love and speak love. But don’t despair the future, a task, I feel, especially hard for a romantic like you.

At 30/8/05 9:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

blah blah blah.. lets open a restaurant, Brady! Where in TX? I'm in Houston and feel the same way you do!



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