Gay Marriage- I've Changed My Mind
I've decided that I've changed my mind about gay marriage. Don't jump to conclusions--I still fully support gay marriage, so that's not where I'm going with this.For a long time, I've tried very hard to give people that were against gay marriage the benefit of the doubt on the issue, telling myself that they're confused or can't overcome the teachings of their upbringings or religious beliefs to understand the absurdity of the idea that gay marriage would somehow destroy the institution of marriage. Don't get me wrong, I haven't been happy to hear people be against gay marriage, but for a lot, not all, but a lot, of them I tried to understand where they were coming from and give them the benefit of the doubt.
That time has passed, though. They're adults. They having minds of their own, and I've just grown sick of watching grown adults hide in their own bigotry, ignorance, fear, whatver else it is. I stopped believing in Santa Clause, and they can stop believing in this equally unproven idea of the destruction of marriage.
Call me jaded, or just call me realistic, but it's simply time to stop giving the anti-gay marriage crowd a pass. This is a personal issue for me. It always has been, but I've come to realize that I shouldn't be required to separate my personal life from a political issue that is so important to me.
To sit back and watch a mother claim that she "would go to the end of the earth for [her gay daughter]" and say that she "would never hurt her," but then go on to vote against gay marriage (and her daughter) as a legislator in Maine makes me cringe. To see another legislator say that the Maine bill to legalize gay marriage "isn't about civil rights...[it's] is about a social agenda, which tears at the very fabric of our society," smacks me as willful ignorance at best and straight bigotry at worst. For another lawmaker to claim that he doesn't believe that "… this [marriage bill in Maine] is about love and equality. [But] is in fact of recognition and legitimization of … a tiny segment of our society for selfish needs blows my mind.
Like I said, I used to try to give these people a pass. They don't understand what being gay really is. They haven't sat down with a gay person to understand how similar being gay is to being striaght. They're confused and led astray by the real anti-gay conglomerates out there. They just don't want to make too many waves.
I can't get there anymore. Watching someone claim that gay marriage is about selfishness rather than love makes my head want to explode. I'm probably one of the most easy-going, non-violent people you've ever met, but when I have to listen to stuff like this, rage has become my reaction.
There comes a time when you can only let people claim the ignorance card for so long. To hear a mom tell her daughter that an institution is more important than her own daughter makes me lose faith in humanity. To see people pretend that gay marriage will end marriage as a whole while turning a blind eye to the real ills of marriage makes me sick to my stomach. I'm over this. I used to think bigotry was too strong a word for people that were against gay marriage because of their own misinformation on the subject, but now it seems entirely appropriate. Ignorance can only go so far. When that ignorance becomes willful, there's more to the story.
The good news is things are changing, and the momentum is on our side. The bad news is, every time I hear this kind of stuff, I still want to puke.
posted by Brady @ 11:25 AM
5 Comments:
I agree.
The issue really isn't even about marriage. It's about bigotry and hatred. These people aren't trying to really protect marriage. They are trying to continue the subordination of a class of people.
They rally around the idea of "protecting marriage" because it allows them to say, "We don't hate gay people; we are just protecting marriage."
Just like they used to say, "We don't hate gay people; we are just protecting our children" during the 70s when the issue was gay and lesbian teachers.
Just like they used to say, "We don't hate gay people; we are just trying to protect public health" in the 80s when there were calls to round up all gay men into quarantine because of AIDS.
Just like they used to say, "We don't hate gay people; we are just trying to protect military readiness and morale" in the 90s when the issue was gays in the military.
The truth of the matter is that they do hate gay people. Sure, they may not hate a particular gay person, but when considering the group as a whole, they hate us.
They use these other issues to shield themselves from being called bigots, to change the issue. But at the core of it all, there is only hate.
Great comment, Matty. I mean, really great.
Matty made an extremely important point when he said, "they may not hate a particular gay person, but when considering the group as a whole, they hate us". It's a frightening thing.
While I've always been in favor of same-sex marriage, if I were against it one thing would change my mind: having gay friends and family members. How could I look someone in the eye and say, "I care about you but don't think you should be happy?"
You mention the mother who claims she'd never hurt her daughter. Her prejudice has made her so blind she doesn't realize she's hurting her daughter. Well, maybe "blind" is the wrong word. Maybe "stupid" would be more appropriate.
As for that lawmaker who says it's about "ecognition and legitimization of…a tiny segment of our society for selfish needs", I'd say it's pretty selfish of him to want to impose his views on others.
"While I've always been in favor of same-sex marriage, if I were against it one thing would change my mind: having gay friends and family members. How could I look someone in the eye and say, "I care about you but don't think you should be happy."
Christopher, this is me. I'm a straight person who thought "bennifits" were "good enough". Now that someone, who I admire and respect, publicly came out, almost a year ago, I've changed my mind. I can not imagine not wanting him to be happy.
In fact, the quest for knowledge and understanding led me to this blog, thank you Brady.
AND thank you to those who had the courage to post their stories in the comments section of "I hate being Gay", where I started.
I'm still reading, I've got a LOT to learn but I'm there.
Camille
Correction: I see I missed the words 'used to' when posting the title of the blog where I started. It should read, "I used to hate being gay".
Camille
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