I Used to Hate Being Gay--Comments Revisited
Hey guys. Sorry for the super long delay in updating in 2009. Work has been really busy lately (that's a whole other frustrating story), and I find when I get home, I've not really wanted to get on the computer much, which means less reading about things (and coming up with things to write about), and, of course, less time to update this blog in general.Anyway, I wrote a post a couple of years ago called "I Used to Hate Being Gay," that has had quite a few comments since it went up back then (you can see the link in my "Greatest Hits" section on the side). Apparently if you Google "I hate being gay" it's one of the entries that comes up, so I've attracted some new readers that have just kind of stumbled over here.
As you guys probably realize, I get an email update every time someone comments on this little blog of mine, so I've been following the sporadic comments on the post, and I've been thoroughly enjoying hearing other people's experiences, both good and bad. Well, "enjoying" is probably not the best word, but the conversation has been interesting, sad, moving, and exciting all at the same time. What just occurred to me, though, is that most of you guys might not have seen the comments or the ongoing discussion, so I thought I'd point you in that direction.
The comments people have left are definitely worth reading. It's a mixture of both pre and post coming out stories along with people's feelings about struggling with being gay. Please feel free to stop by and check out the conversation, and if you are so inclined, feel free chime in with your own experiences.
So, see you there?? Until then...
posted by Brady @ 7:26 AM
4 Comments:
Hi, I just found your blog by googling struggling with being gay. I wanted to thank you for the useful stuff you have written and the supportive community that has built up around that post.
I'm a gay person who got married to a man I love and had kids I love and hit an age where I realized that though I love this life, there are parts of me that aren't expressed in it. It's a painful place to find myself, and I'm struggling a lot. I'm always really glad to hear about people figuring themselves out before they find someone opposite sex that they love.
For all those individuals struggling with being gay, just remember that everyone has life challenges regardless of their orientation. I have never met anyone that is happy 100% of the time. We all have our bad days. For me, the challenge of coming out caused me to over-analyze my entire situation, family and friends, and my spirituality. I was so focused on me that I began to think that the entire world revolved around me and my sexuality. It was a selfish time, and I allowed my emotions to cloud all of my relationships, especially with my immediate family. Luckily, I underestimated my parents, siblings, and friends, and came to realize that I am the only person that can really make me happy. But again, we all, straight or gay, will have times in our lives when we are challenged by the circumstances of our being. After 17 years, I happily poo-poo the notion that you can't be in a loving relationship with a same sex partner - it's simply not true. Like any relationship, there will most likely be some difficult times, but keep in mind that there are many heterosexual marriages that end in divorce, so it seems pretty clear to me that picking the wrong love interest is not unique to the gays - it's just an unfortunate fact of human nature. The best advice I can give as a gay man is to respect yourself and others, be an example for the younger generations of gay men and women, and be an example for the straight men and women too! After all, we're all much more similar than we are different! Also, don't immerse yourself in gay culture and stereotypes to the point where you alienate yourself from the rest of the world - you have got to get out there, have some fun and represent among your straight family members and friends too!
Hey Anon #1- welcome to the blog, and thanks for the thanks ;-) Feel free to stick around and contribute more.
Anon #2- thanks for the advice. Well said. It's easy to get wrapped up in our own problems/issues without realizing that everyone has issues of some sort.
I do HATE being gay. I have accepted myself being gay, but that is where it ends. I have recently even lost my only 2 gay friends. At my age it is very difficult finding gay men...there are alot of widow ladies available and most have one thing on there mind...marriage. Another Major conflict in my gay life is my religion. I HATE being gay. If you are young...find yourself a great man to LOVE and live with...don't wait until your older.
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