Tuesday, June 27, 2006

A Call For Advice

So, the wedding is just over a month away. Almost all of the invitations have been sent out except to those on my dad's side of the family. I know, I procrastinated and waited too long, but now I have to decide what to do.

The deal is that they don't know that I'm gay. So my options are to not tell them and not invite them, or to tell them and invite them.

I'm leaning towards telling them, but I'm just not sure how. All of them are Southern Baptists from small towns, and even the one cousin I have told agrees that it's not going to go over so well. But, if I tell them, I'm pretty sure I don't have the energy to go and personally tell every one of them. We're talking about 9 cousins, 3 sets of aunts and uncles, and 1 grandmother, all of whom most likely won't be in love with the fact that I'm gay.

Right now I'm thinking that I'll tell my grandmother in person (although I can't even think about it right now it is so nerve-racking for me), and then email the rest of them. The idea of just telling a couple of them and then having them spread the word to others (i.e. tell a cousin and have him or her tell the parents) isn't going to work. My dad and the one cousin that already told both told me that they didn't want to be the one to spread the news.

I'm really close to my family, even if we don't see each other that often these days, and I want to tell them and give them the opportunity to come to the wedding if they want to. But at the same time, I'm positive some of them are going to be upset about this (at best).

Now it's your turn--any thoughts on how I might accomplish this goal of telling them in the very near future are appreciated.

4 Comments:

At 27/6/06 7:46 PM, Blogger grace said...

Brady,
This is so tough. I've been thinking about it and have prayed about how to advise you. Here's the deal. They need to be given the opportunity to respond to you in love. This is huge. You are getting married. These folks are your family. I would suggest talking with your grandmother personally and putting a letter in the mail to everyone else. Timing will be pretty critical here...but, you can make it happen almost simultaneously if you go about it just right. You should give your grandmother a copy of the letter you are sending to the family when you have the personal talk with her. You can note in the letter that you've spoken personally with your grandmomther.

You need to convey (in the letter and in your talk) how difficult this is and yet how certain you are that it is the right thing for you to do. They need to have a sense that you are healthy and strong and yet humble and meek at the same time. You can do it.

I will be praying for you.

love,
grace

p.s. this is just a suggestion of one way to handle it...ultimately, you know your family best and you need to deal with it in your own way.

 
At 28/6/06 6:59 AM, Blogger Brady said...

Grace. Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments. I've been leaning that way as well. I'll keep you updated as I work to a decision.

 
At 29/6/06 1:17 AM, Anonymous Steve Boese said...

Great thoughts from Grace, if you ask me...

The important thing is to find your path through to putting it into the open.

Good luck with it...

 
At 29/6/06 12:21 PM, Anonymous Rewfio said...

wow that is so tough, i feel for you. i feel you should defiantly give them the opportunity. maybe some of them will surprise you, and even if not at least you gave them the opportunity to reach out.

 

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