Question
Being gay was hard for me to deal with when I was younger. I had a lot of things to deal with, not the least of which was coming out to myself. Aside from that, though, was having to deal with my religion, my family, my friends, and even my lifelong dreams. Eventually I accepted that I was gay (you've probably figured that out by now, though), and things have been going pretty well since then (especially compared to what I was putting myself through at the time). There are still some things I am working out, but all in all things are good.Anyway, I was thinking today about what other types of experiences people have with being gay. I met a kid once that came out when he was 14 and was completely accepted by his friends and family all along. He said being gay was never that big of a deal for him.
So, my question is this, are there any gay people out there that at some point in their lives did not try to resist being gay? At this point I'm not talking about actually seeking therapy or counseling, but just personal methods. When I was younger I prayed every night that I would no longer be gay (along with my normal nightly prayers). I never told anyone I was attracted to other guys, and I tried hard to find some sort of attraction to girls whenever I could. Sure, I never went the therapy route, but I spent years on my own trying not to be gay. I've always kind of assumed it was something that all gay people have been through at some point, but maybe not.
What about everyone else? Did you guys also try to resist being gay, or was it a less stressful situation? My guess is that the younger the people are, the easier it is because our society is becoming more accepting, but who knows.
posted by Brady @ 12:57 PM
2 Comments:
Deep down, I have known the truth about my orientation my entire life, as most gays are by most accounts I've heard and read. My early years were unpleasant, unbearable actually, more because of the reactions of my peers. The religious aspect was irrelevant because I have always been atheist from as far back as I can remember and basically ignored what religious groups had to say about me (until recent years when fundamentalism became the gay person's worst nightmare). I was unaffectionately known as the queer in public school. The harrassment that I went through on a daily basis caused me to withdraw and become essentially a recluse in my spare time. I withdrew from activities that I enjoyed simply because I did not want to face the inevitable ridicule that I knew was waiting for me. Fast forward to a different era around the age of 15, I changed high schools, got heavily into fitness and became a "hot guy" and probably could have had any girl I wanted. I looked like a football/hockey player but did not have the first clue how to play either sport. I also became a really good liar and put up a facade that was untouchable by all accounts, in my own mind anyways. By the time later high school came along, I had excellent grades, had many friends and basically enjoyed life. The one thing I did not do on a regular basis was date girls. I had no interest in them whatsoever so I limited my contact to friends only and got away with it for years. I was essentially hiding in my closet in plain view. During this time, I was also celibate and did not have any sexual contacts until after University. I was 23 years old, and came out of the closet for good. I attended therapy to deal with those wretched childhood memories and attended PFLAG meetings prior to telling my parents, who have been very supportive. I struggled mostly with relationships because I had no clue on how to have one. I went through a cycle of thinking that a one night stand was the key to a lasting relationship and learned quickly the difference between friends and sex buddies. Fortunately, I learned relationship skills and have been in a loving relationship for 14 years now and we are legally married. A happy ending to what could easily have been a life of despair had my path not changed in my early teens.
BC- thanks for sharing your story, it was very interesting. Congrats too on the 14 years and marriage!
El- you got it. I think it's a pretty common response
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