Wednesday, October 12, 2005

So, I Came Out Yesterday

When I called a long lost high school friend of mine last night, I had completely forgotten that it was National Coming Out Day. I'd been meaning to call and catch up with her for months, and since I had the house to myself last night, I figured I'd make the call.

She had big news- she's going to be graduating with an MBA in May. That's much more ambitious than the friend I knew in high school, so I was impressed and excited.

I had two pieces of news to share too. First, I bought a house last May. Second, I'm gay. The news took her by complete surprise. Oddly enough, when I told her by email a few months ago that I wanted to talk to her about something, she had concluded that I was going to be a father. But, after making sure I was not playing a joke, she was fine with it. We talked for half an hour more and then hung up the phone.

This morning I had an email from her that said only, "it was good to talk to you last night. I'm glad you told me." The simplicity and the thoughtfullness made me smile. She's the same person I used to be best friends with.

So, for the first time in my life, I "celebrated" National Coming Out Day. Man, who knew this was such an ongoing thing.


At 12/10/05 3:36 PM, Blogger Peterson Toscano said...

Awesome! Glad you had a positive experience.

I remember the first year I came out to someone on Coming Out Day. I ran into John, a former college roomate who was also with me in our university's intervarsity christian fellowship.

His response? "Praise God! I'm gay too!"
crazy world.

At 13/10/05 8:46 AM, Blogger Zefrog said...

Coming out IS an ungoing thing. Unless one is a raving queen, people we meet for the first time will automatically assume that we are straight (even if they are gay themselves sometimes, see previous comment). This is why we have to for ever keep coming out to people.

At 13/10/05 9:05 AM, Blogger Brady said...

Hey Peterson, thanks for the comment. I'm happy it went well too. I've yet to meet a former friend/roommate/etc. that I lost touch with that is now gay. Maybe one day, though!

Zefrog, Yeah, I think you are right. I'm sure as time passes I'll get more comfortable and more used to it.

At 13/10/05 9:38 AM, Anonymous Sparky said...

i can name a roommate....

At 13/10/05 10:42 AM, Blogger Brady said...

Sparky, I'm talking about people I didn't know were gay in the first place. Glad you picked a name ;-)

At 13/10/05 10:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow you experienced something most people experience at 18 or younger - that no one cares you're gay. Welcome to the real world.

At 13/10/05 1:57 PM, Blogger Brady said...


Thanks for your comment, but I'd beg to differ. Not everyone has the rosey attitude towards gay people that I wish they would.

Just look around, politicians are trying to pass laws against gay people, trying to keep gay sex illegal, etc. and for the most part they are winning (which means regular people are helping them).

Welcome back to the real world.

At 13/10/05 8:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

....your world sucks... perhaps the world is what you make it. You should see my life. It's not nearly as tortured.

Sorry to be an ass, but it's the truth.

At 14/10/05 6:22 AM, Anonymous Sparky said...

It sounds like to me that Anonymous is very self-confident, which is a wonderful way to live and a goal that we should all aim for. But being self-confident can't make you blind to the evils of the world. Trust me, Anonymous, your world sucks, too, and no matter how hard we try, we can't turn away from that forever.

At 14/10/05 6:41 AM, Blogger Brady said...

Sparky, thanks for the comment.

Anonymous, thanks too, even though I disagree. Let me be clear that my world hardly sucks.

I have lots to be happy about, proud of, and thankful for. I set up this blog as an outlet for me to express my feelings about the gay and anti-gay movement and ocassionaly my own personal issues. So, you are going to see me dealing with that stuff.

But, to deny that their are anti-gay people out there. To deny that the majority of the country still votes against gay rights. To deny that their are tons of religious people that have no interest in accepting gay people, that's just silly.

I love the world I live in, but I still have things I worry about. The gay thing just happens to be one of them. If you don't have your own issues that you worry about from time to time, I think that is a problem.

At 14/10/05 7:11 PM, Blogger thinking girl said...

I'm a little concerned about the idea that anonymous raised: "nobody cares if you're gay". One thing I've been thinking about lately, because I am interested in anti-oppression theory, is the idea that those in dominant social groups have the choice whether or not to acknowledge the concerns of another. Most often it doesn't impact the members of dominant groups at all, because they don't experience that particular type of oppression.

I think perhaps the focus that equality has had is misplaced. Saying to someone of a marginalized group that "it doesn't matter to me what/who you are" seems very dismissive and arrogant when it comes from a dominante group. I think it's subtle, and not necessarily ill-intentioned on the part of the dominant group, but it does contribute to oppression nonetheless.

MY thought is that rather than saying "it doesn't matter" or "I don't care", it would be better to say "I recognize, respect and acknowledgethis important part of your personal identity." A subtle point, perhaps, but I think an important distinction to make in order to really move forward to a society that is all-embracing.

Brady, I'm glad you had a good experience, that's great news!

At 17/10/05 8:47 AM, Blogger Brady said...

Hey thinking girl. Very good points. I agree. I also think Grace (an occasional commenter here) does a good job of that.


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