Some Guys Are Normal

The 2 Albums That Changed My Life

2010-06-08T08:51:00.000-07:00

Here's something new. My friend Brad has a music blog. Music is his passion, and this blog is the result. If you like music, specifically dance-remixed music, it's a great resource. He has about 100 or so daily readers, and I'm sure he'd love to have more, so go check it out.

Anyway, over the last week or so, he's decided to have guests posts on the topic "The 5 Albums That Changed My Life." He didn't actually invite me to participate, given my usual apathy towards music, but I heard about it and wanted to contribute, and he was nice enough to let me. The only problem is that I couldn't come up with 5 albums, so I went with 2.

So, without further adieu, here (and at Brad's blog Wacky on the Junk) are the 2 albums that changed my life:

I think I'll be lucky if Wacky even publishes this post since my taste in music isn't exactly (or at all) similar to his. But, I thought the idea of albums that changed my life sounded fun, and I thought my perspective would be a funny addition considering: 1) How different my musical tastes are from this blog and, I assume, its readers, and 2) I really don't listen to music all that much, so I'm waayyy out of my league here. But oh well, here goes.

I started listening to punk rock and ska back in the genre's brief heyday--the mid-to-late nineties. The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Reel Big Fish and the like actually made it to radio and semi-mainstream fame back then. It was the summer of ska, or something like that, and I loved it. While the radio bands were good, the best thing that came out of the period was that it expanded my musical tastes out of the mainstream and led me to what soon became my favorite band(s), led by my favorite musician, even to this day.

The band's name was Catch 22, a ska-punk band from New Jersey, led by an adorable singer/songwriter named Tomas Kalnoky. The album, released in 1998, was Keasbey Nights, and it somehow became one of the pioneering albums of the ska-punk genre, although I didn't learn of the album's esteem until much, much later.

I was a freshman in college when the record came out. I fell in love with the poppy tempo, the upbeat horns, but most importantly the energetic nature of the album. Somehow it was the first time I actually could relate to song lyrics. Maybe I was just a lonely college freshman looking for anything to cheer me up. Whatever it was, it worked, and to this day the album puts me in a good mood. Over the years my favorite songs on the record have switched back and forth, starting with the title track, "Keasbey Nights." Over a decade since, "As The Footsteps Die Out Forever" is probably my favorite song of all time, by any artist (maybe I'm showing how much of a musical novice I actually am, I don't know). Earlier in the album, the song "Supernothing," which has now been re-recorded 3 times in different incarnations by Kalnoky, is also still a favorite. Don't get me wrong, though, the whole album is good, and I rarely skip any songs when listening to it.

Sadly, soon after learning about Catch 22, I went on to their fledgling website to find that Tomas, the person most responsible for creating Keasbey Nights, had left the band. I continued to listen to the album, nearly incessantly for years, and I saw Catch 22 live, sans Tomas, nearly a dozen times. They played my favorite songs and later released a few new albums, but the band was never the same, and their live perfomances, while energy-filled, sounded more like a garage band than talented professional musicians. So, I held on to listening to that one cd, and that was that.

Then, in 2003 my musical indifference was re-ignited when I somehow stumbled upon word that Tomas had started a new band by the name of Streetlight Manifesto and had released a new record, Everything Goes Numb. Even better news was that the band was performing live in just a month at a local venue (which ended up being a living-room sized basement, 9 foot ceilings and all).

I admit that it took a few listens for me to start to appreciate EGN. The songs were a different style, longer, less poppy, sometimes less energetic. The lyrics were deeper, more emotional. The band wasn't in college anymore (and neither was I). To this day, though, it still is my favorite album. I didn't think Keasbey Nights could be replaced, but it had been, and markedly so.

I can, and do, listen to the record regularly, all the way through. I even flew myself to NYC on a whim last fall to see the band perform the entire album all the way through with around 1000 other people (which was just a tad larger than the basement I'd initially seen them in). My mind was blown. Hands down some of the best musicians I've ever heard. Their live show, especially considering they have 7 members and a 4-piece horn section, is incredibly tight. Their energy is unforgettable. My favorite songs on this record haven't changed since the first times I listened to it. "A Better Place, A Better Time," referred to as "Annie" by fans, and "The Big Sleep" are their best songs, but the entire album is great.

So, that's that. If I haven't mentioned that I think Tomas Kalmoky, the bands' lead singer and songwriter, is a genius, I probably should now. He is. These two albums sparked an interest in music that I never had before. They got me through freshman year of college, a semester abroad in Argentina, and later gave me an interest in live music I'd never even considered. I know these two albums are pretty different from the other choices Wacky will probably post, but give them a listen, and hopefully you won't be disappointed.

Day of Truth? Maybe Not.

2010-04-15T08:32:00.001-07:00

Today is the Day of Truth, a day organized by Exodus International to attempt to upstage tomorrow's Day of Silence, organized by GLSEN. Sorry, I mean (according to the DOT website), "to have an honest conversation about relationships, sexuality, and faith." But, come on, they have specifically chosen to have this day the day before Day of Silence every year. You get the idea. Believe what you will about the Day of Truth. I'm of the opinion that its mission is to upstage the DOS, but maybe that's just me. And, that's not really the point of this post.

The reason behind this post is to point out how the Day of Truth is not all about Truth. Here's why: In the FAQ section of their website (under the "What is the Day of Silence Section), the DOT claims, "Unlike the Day of Silence, the Day of Truth does not encourage students to engage in activities that are likely to disrupt the school’s academic mission."

Right, so this event's goal isn't to upstage the Day of Silence, yet they insist on spreading misinformation about the DOS. This statement is pretty easy to refute, and I've brought it to the attention of Exodus and the Day of Truth through emails (one each) and through a blog post on Exodus' blog, which was not approved for posting.

So, for those of you that are curious, here's what the Day of Silence has to say about students disrupting a school's academic mission (from their FAQs):

From the "Do I have a right to participate in the Day of Silence?" section:
"You DO have a right to participate in Day of Silence and other expressions of your opinion at a public school during non-instructional time: the breaks between classes, before and after the school day, lunchtime, and any other free times during your day. You do NOT have a right to remain silent during class time if a teacher asks you to speak. We recommend that you talk to your teachers ahead of time, tell them what you plan to do, and ask them if it would be okay for you to communicate on that day in writing. (ACLU)"

From the "How do the Day of Silence activities affect the school day?" section:
"GLSEN advises students interested in participating to discuss their intentions with their administration and teachers long before the event. The day is most successful when schools and students work together to show their commitment to ensuring safe schools for all students. Many schools allow students’ participation throughout the day. Some schools ask students to speak as they normally would during class and remain silent during breaks and at lunch. There is no single way to participate, and students are encouraged to take part in the way that is the most positive and uplifting for their school. Students may also participate in “Breaking the Silence” rallies, events at which students come together at the day’s end to express themselves and share their experiences with members of their local communities."

In fact, the FAQ even offers a pdf file for students whose schools will not allow them to participate in the DOS that offers other ways they can contribute.

Pretty disappointing that with an event called the Day of Truth, Exodus and the Day of Truth organizers can be truthful, especially when they've been shown where the problems are.

Supreme Court Justices Can't Be Gay

2010-04-14T14:07:00.000-07:00

Remember when I decided that I was no longer going to even argue the idea that being gay somehow was an issue of morality? Well, I guess my friends over at Focus on the Family didn't get the message.

Somehow Focus on the Family's lawyer went off script and said that the organization would not exclude a potential Supreme Court Justice nomination simply because he or she was gay. It was such a pleasant step in the right direction...until they decided the wrong direction was a much better place to go. So as not to confuse anyone, the've now come out to say that being gay is a core issue of morality, and they'll be opposing gay candidates.

Maybe you guys can look this one up for me, but remind me of their views on President Reagan. I wonder what their views of Dobson's divorced son are. I know, I know, they aren't anti-gay...it's just an easier way for them to judge morality, or something.

Good thing I stopped letting Focus on the Family and other like-minded folks dictate what morality meant. It still amazes me that people fall for this stuff.

People Shouldn't Have to Wait for a Religion...

2010-03-11T12:43:00.000-08:00

A Facebook friend of mine describes his religion on his fb profile as, "people shouldn't have to wait for a religion to tell them to be kind to their neighbors."

Pretty earth shattering stuff, huh? Not really, obviously, but it's amazing how many "religious" people out there seem to ignore the "being kind to your neighbor" advice, even though it's a basic tenant of their faith.

I've been meaning to write for a while now about a cousin of mine. I don't want to lump her in with the quote above, because she honestly is one of the nicest, most kind people I know. But, she just can't seem to get over the gay issue.

It's palpable when she's around J--she's cordial to him, but not overly nice. Not like she is with the rest of the family. I'm not even sure she realizes she does it, but like I said, the gay thing is a real issue for her, and while we haven't spoken directly on the subject, I know where she stands. And honestly, our relationship isn't the same.

It's not that she's a bad person. She's a devout Christian (I'd hesitate to call her evangelical, because I don't know how she'd describe herself, so let's leave it at "devout" for now), and her faith and religion direct her life for herself and for her family. That's great. It's admirable. But sometimes, it's frustrating because, while admirable, it seems to limit her emotional connections to those she doesn't agree with religiously.

A few months back I posted on my Facebook page my disappointment that so-called "Christians" decided to use lies and falsehoods to fight against gay marriage. In her comment, rather than addressing the the "Christian organization" I was talking about actually did lie to deceive the public, she asked me if I still considered myself a Christian. Weird response. But, I went for it.

I said, of course, that I still am a Christian, but my frustration lies in the way in which some Christian groups (often very prominent Christian groups and leaders) will go to any lengths, including committing their own sins to fight against gay people). I went on to detail where my frustration came from and how hurtful I found the entire situation to gays in general, especially regarding how often I found it to push gay people away from Christianity. Then I linked to my blog (you know, this one you're reading ;-) and told her that if she was interested in finding out where I was coming from, she could certainly come here to see me lay out the issues I was referencing.

And a week later I got a response. It thanked me for taking the time to write it, said she was busy, and that when she got some time she would read my blog and respond to my points.

A couple of months pass and nothing. More nothing. And again, nothing.

It's hurtful, in a way. Not just because I was putting myself ou there and laying out my personal feelings to someone that I knew could respond to them negatively. Not just because I was hoping to make a connection on a deeper level than, "I love you, but...", but more because rather than take the time to read where I was coming from--how I got to the conclusions I've arrived at--she just decided that she was right and my issues weren't really worth looking into. Or maybe they were worth it if she ever found the time, and she never did. Although, I'm not sure there's really much of a difference.

And maybe that's wrong with so many Christians that I complain about. Not to imply that my cousin is one in the same or that she is using animus for gays to further her own agenda (like I said, she's a wonderful person and animus and hostility are not part of her nature). But more to say that too many Christians out there aren't interested in challenging their own perceptions. To her, it seems more important to be "right" about this whole gay thing than it does to sit down and actually really connect with a gay person (even her own family) to try and see and feel and wonder where he is coming from. Listening to my issues would mean she might have to analyze her own. Challenge herself. It's the easy way out, I'll admit that. But the easy way out isn't really what I'm looking for.

Austin, TX Gay Bashing

2010-02-23T08:35:00.000-08:00

Apparently even the most liberal city in Texas isn't immune to a good old fashioned gay bashing. Two friends were leaving Oilcan Harry's (a bar I've spent many a night at) last weekend when they were followed and subsequently attacked by 4 men. Check out Queerty for pictures of the victims.

As the college-aged gay guys were getting beaten up, the attackers called them fags. They weren't robbed, so the message of the beating seems pretty clear.

Let me go off on a slight tanget here. Just in case there is any question--had these 4 men run up to them and called them "fags" and not beaten them up, no crime would have been committed. Those people that try to claim that hate crimes are "thought crimes" or restrict freedom of speech are either ignorant on the law or are outright lying. These guys were beaten up because they were gay, in Texas' most liberal city, no less. The fact that this still happens sickens me (and scares me all at the same time).

My Thoughts Exactly

2010-02-18T07:38:00.000-08:00

From Box Turtle Bulletin comes a message from a member of Britain's conservative party to the US's own conservative party--don't alienate certain of society for short-term wins at the ballot box. Well, those weren't his exact words, but that sums it up pretty nicely.

My favorite part of the speech warns the GOP that anti-gay laws and tactics don't just drive away gay people, but they also affect other fair-minded individuals that see such laws as "divisive and unpleasant sign of state intolerance."

It's pretty clear that support for gay people in our society is on the rise. Whether it's support for full marriage rights, civil unions, opposition to DADT, etc., gays are seeing real gains in support for their cause. But let's face it--it's not because we have more gay people now than we used to (in spite of what some in Uganda and the extreme American right would have you believe), it's because straight people out there are realizing that gay people actually deserve these rights, and slowly but surely, they are also getting sick and tired of seeing one party scapegoat a group of people for their own personal gain.

Britain's conservative party paid dearly for such tactics and had to do a lot of digging to get out of the hole they eventually put themselves in. Let's hope their American Republican party heeds the advice.

Oklahoma Pastors Could Go To Jail Over Gay Marriage

2010-01-27T14:32:00.000-08:00

It's a religious thing. That's what opponents of gay marriage say all the time. Somehow allowing gays to marry is going to infringe on their religious views and their First Amendment right to freedom of religion (never mind the fact that even right now churches are never required to marry anyone, for any reason they choose).

But, given that they're the ones that brought up this religious freedom argument, I'm now calling for all conservative Christians to stick up for my religious liberties and the religious liberties of gays in Oklahoma (and for all my Baptist friends--let's not forget the Baptist Church was founded nearly specifically on the idea of separation of church and state).

Oklahoma State Representative Jason Nelson has introduced a bill that will make it expressly illegal for a "minister of the Gospel" to solemnize a marriage, punishable by 1 to 5 years in prison. Nevermind the fact that if a pastor marries two gay people it will have no legal standing in Oklahoma because of their 2004 Constitutional Amendment banning gay marriage. It seems that Rep. Nelson wants to send people of faith to prison simply for expressing and practicing their own religious views, even if their officiating of a wedding has no actual legal standing anyway. Sorry to all of those gay-affirming denominations. It looks like you could be going to jail.

That sounds like an infringement of the First Amendment to me, and I call all conservatives to fight and speak out on this bill (patiently waiting...).

On a somewhat humorous sidenote--for some reason this bill only applies to Christian ministers. The Gospel refers to the teachings of Jesus and the New Testament, so Jews, Hindus, Muslims, et. al. seem to still be able to marry gays. Good for them.

**Update**

Jason Nelso has commented on the Queerty post I linked above and said that this bill is simply a "shell bill"--essentially a place holder to make a change to marriage law in the next session. He says this has nothing to do with gay marriage and he probably does not intend to move forward on this issue at all. I find that hard to believe because, as he says, he already strongly supports the existing bill as it is stated. So, if he already supports the current marriage law, why is he needing to "place hold" a law on marriage? I guess only time will tell at this point.

Boycott Houston! (Ok, Really, Don't)

2010-01-21T07:12:00.000-08:00

A new website is all the rage among my facebook friends called Boycott Houston. Conservative Christians calling on others to boycott things isn't anything new, and luckily, I don't really think they've ever been successful. I don't expect this to be any different.

A man by the name of David Grisham has launched a pretty impressive website asking people to boycott the city of Houston. He gives two main reasons. The first you can probably guess: the election of Annise Parker (a lesbian). The second is because Houston is in the process of building a very large Planned Parenthood facility, which is kind of strange to me. Is he planning on boycotting every city and town that has an abortion facility in the country?

As of this blog posting, only 38 people have signed his petition to boycott the city, one of which is him, and several give only a first name or no name at all. So luckily it looks like most people are seeing this guy as the quack he actually is. For even more proof, though, you definitely should read the "What You Can Do!" section of the site (and feel free to check out his first endeavor into city anger, repentamarillo.com). Check out the comments section too. Right now it's all supporters, one of whom predicts that the city will be "swallowed up."

Strangely enough, in the mission statement of the site he says that, "If everyone who calls on the name of Christ had written letters or made phone calls to the city authorities, voicing their strong objections to an abortion supercenter being opened, it would never have happened." I wonder if he knows that the "super center" (which is a talking point right out of the AFA playbook) hasn't actually opened yet. He doesn't appear to be from Houston, so maybe not.

I'm not too concerned about this boycott. The 38 petition signatures are more humorous than anything else. I just wonder how much time this Pastor has spent boycotting cities who have divorced mayors. Or maybe he boycotted Ronald Reagan for being divorced and remarried. Maybe I'll send him a letter...he really should know about these other "abominations."

Ted Olson and "The Conservative Case for Gay Marriage"

2010-01-12T07:49:00.001-08:00

Ted Olson is the conservative (yes conservative) lawyer arguing in front of a California court that Proposition 8 in that state that banned gay marriage is unconstitutional. As you may have already heard, Olson is an unlikely proponent for gay marriage given his conservative Republican background (he successfully represented President Bush against Al Gore in the 2000 election). As a side note--I agreed with the Bush decision as well.

Thankfully, Olson has decided to push his "moral majority" conservatives aside and follow his real conservative values--values that honor equality and freedom for all people. He's a great ally for our side not only because he's eloquent and presents a solid argument, but also because his conservative backgrounds leave the anti-gay folks with no ammo to accuse him of being just another liberal nut, gay activist, etc., etc.

Olson has been on somewhat of a media blitz recently getting the word out about why he supports, and is arguing for, gay marriage. His article in Newsweek, entitled "The Conservative Case for Gay Marriage" is powerful and a well laid-out argument against marriage discrimination. His opening statement in the California trial, which started yesterday, is equally as powerful. Both are worth the read and are worth spreading around to people on both sides of the marriage debate.

I've been saying this for a long time, but it has always amazed me that the people of a state/this country can pass a Constitutional Amendment that goes against the Constitution that already exists (i.e. pass an amendment that discriminates even though discrimination is already banned in the Constitution). That's really what this trial boils down to.

The problem as I see it, though, is whether for all of his hard work showing that the anti-gay marriage folks are full of hot air at best, and out to intentionally discriminate against a group of people at worst, whether Olson et. al. can prove that the amendment itself should not have been passed in the first place because it was unconstitutional. Unfortunately that might be a harder burden to prove. And, if he does prove it, where do we go from here?

Blogging

2010-01-06T13:00:00.000-08:00

Blogging has gotten slow lately. It's mainly the same excuses--too busy at work to write or keep up with the world as much as I'd like to (or used to), no interest in getting on the computer at home after looking at it all day at work, etc. etc.

I'm really not sure what's going on. I got a little nostalgic at work (since it's currently a bit slow) and read through some of my old posts. I really like some of them. I was happy reading them and remembering how much I enjoyed digging into the stories, finding the truth where reality was just barely visible and watching people respond back. I'm proud of myself for writing them, and I enjoyed reading them years later.

But, it's a catch-22 of sorts. I tried to watch Fox News the other day, which I used to watch all the time to find something new to write about, but I couldn't handle it and changed the channel. My radio listening habits have gone from Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, and Michael Savage to Jim Rome, a local sports station, and some hour-long health show during lunch. I just can't take the old ones anymore. I used to love to get myself all riled up, but now it just frustrates me, and I don't have the patience for it. I used to love catching those guys in their lies and half-truths and then tearing their stories apart, but now all I want to do is strangle them.

Don't get me wrong--I still enjoy gay and ex-gay issues. I still like the idea of being a pseudo online activist (of the most minimal variety, but still one nonetheless), but I don't really think I have a passion for it anymore. Maybe I've said all I've had to say. Maybe I'm just over all of it, or maybe this is just a rut.

So, I'm not going anywhere...at least not now. Hopefully I'll find that passion again and things will stir back up. For now, things will probably continue as they have been--fewer posts, less depth, and more blogging about what's on the top of my head. We'll see.

Congratulations Annise Parker!

2010-01-04T09:20:00.000-08:00

Annise Parker was sworn in as Houston mayor this morning and was welcomed by a packed house and had the Pastor of the largest church in the country, Joel Osteen, give the opening prayer.

Since Parker is now the first openly gay mayor of a city the size of Houston, it's no surprise that there were a few anti-gay protesters at the event. It never ceases to amaze me how almost any "sin" can be excused by these types of protesters except being gay. What a sad world they must live in.

Tonight there will be a free public concert downtown to celebrate the day. It's possible that I may go if some previous personal engagements don't come through. If I do, I'll definitely be on the lookout for the protesters. I probably won't do more than look, though, I can tell you that from many previous conversations with them, it's more frustrating than enlightening.

The End of a Decade

2009-12-17T13:00:00.000-08:00

What are we supposed to call this decade anyway? I've been calling it "this decade" all decade long, and I'm sure that's not going to work for that long. Any ideas? The aughts? The o's? The zeroes? I guess someone will come up with something soon.

Anyway, the decade is over, and so is the 3rd decade of my life (it ended back in May). I'm kind of sad to admit that I'm a full fledged adult these days, but I am. The good news is that I've got a lot to show for it. In honor of that, here are some of my own personal highlights of the first decade of the 21st century (yeah, that's a bit wordy):

I started the decade studying abroad in Argentina. One of the best adventures of my life.
Next up, graduating college. I'm not a huge fan of school. I think I made it through because I knew I had to. Either way, I did it and did pretty well at it.
I got a job and launched a career...in the travel industry. How fun is that?
I bought my first car (at least the first car I didn't have to share with my brother).
I came out to my friends and family. It was rough, but I made it, and I'm a better person for it, regardless of what some people might think.
I met a great group of friends. It's kind of weird, but it's just recently that I'm really feeling live I've found a good stable group of friends that I connect with.
Two many of these sentences start with I, so here's a we: J and I bought a house together! One of my goals after college was to buy a house of my own, and at 25 I did that.
I started this blog. Tah dah! And sometime before that, I developed an interest in gay and ex-gay issues and politics. It was always there--all I did was delve into it more.
J and I got married. Woah! If I had to pick 1 thing that was the highlight of the decade, that would be it. Truly amazing.
Work continued to go well, and I got 2 large promotions along the way. And even more recently, I discovered that I really like my job. It's less and less just something I do to make money. That's a good thing.
I did a lot of traveling and visited a ton of places for the first time, in the US and abroad.

So, there's the list. It's more of the first things I can think of off of the top of my head, but if I think of more I'll add them. This has definitely been the decade that I've finally made a life of my own. Still, it feels really weird to grow up. Here's to the next decade...the tens, or the teens, or whatever we decide to call them!

Congratulations Annise Parker!

2009-12-13T17:37:00.000-08:00

Annise Parker was elected may of Houston last night. Houston now becomes the largerst city to ever elect an openly gay mayor. It's a great step forward, especially in a state like Texas. It's a great day, and I'm happy for our city.

What was interesting to me was that Parker ran on a fiscally conservative platform (matched by a fiscally conservative past as city Controller), yet Republican groups in the city still decided to endorse Locke, who was not running on such fiscal conservative promises (both candidates are moderate Democrats).

So, given the choice of a fiscally conservate lesbian that never ran on a platform of gay rights (and has a history of not legislating on that issue) and a non-gay Democrat that seemingly has nothing in common with Republicans, they decided to endorse the candidate that shares virtually none of their own issues.

Makes me feel warm and fuzzy all over. Luckily the voters saw through the tactics.

Is Gay Marriage Inevtitable? A Rebuttal

2009-12-10T13:21:00.000-08:00

Gay marriage foe (celebrity? What's a bad celebrity called? Reality star?) Maggie Gallagher has a new little article (a listicle if you will) called, "Is Gay Marriage Inevitable," where she gives 8 easy points as to why it's not inevitable. I'm going to point out, in my own little rebutticle (new words are fun), how wrong she really is. And, I'll even try to refrain from calling pointing out her history of mistruths and lies, because apparently people get mad about that, even when it's true.

Queerty has their only little response too, but I figured it didn't really get deep enough into the matter.

Here goes:

Maggie's Top Eight Reasons Why Gay Marriage Is Not Inevitable:

1. Nothing is inevitable.
We are talking about the future here. It's weird to have "reporting" that something that has not yet happened will certainly happen. The future is never inevitable.

Possibly the weakest argument I've ever seen. It's like when you were a kid and wanted to play professional basketball and your parents told you nothing was impossible. They were right, and I guess, technically, so is Maggie. But, less than 1% of high school sports athletes go on to play professionally (that's not including the ones that never made it that far, or the pros that never really made it). Sure, nothing is impossible, and nothing is inevitable, but I'll take those odds, thanks. Oh yeah, and as Queerty pointed out, the future actually is inevitable. Woops.

2. Young people are not as unanimous as most people think.
In California, the young-adults vote split 55 percent to 45 percent. Is it so hard to imagine 5 percent of those young people changing their minds as they move through the life cycle?

She didn't cite her source, but I found an exit poll from CNN that shows the 18-25 year old voter block at 61% to 39%, which is a lot harder to explain away. I found another study that showed 18-29 year olds at the 55 to 45 split she brings up. I'm more comfortable calling 18-25 year olds young adults than 18-29 year olds. 29 is kind of old, trust me. I'll agree, it's not too hard to imagine 5% of young people change their minds on gay marriage, just like the country has changed their minds on a lot of things, but I find it hard to believe that while studies are showing increasing support, Maggie's just going to claim out of thin air that these young people are just going to change their minds and start running the other way. I guess we're just supposed to "trust her" or something.

3. The argument from despair is bait and switch.
They are trying push the idea that gay marriage is inevitable, because they are losing the argument that gay marriage is a good idea.

This sounds kind of familiar. I think she's projecting. She's the one whose organization is changing the debate here by claiming that gay marriage will somehow harm our kids or be mandated in schools, even though Maine's Attorney General, and another anti-gay marriage group explicitly stated otherwise. All of the sudden its about schools and kids rather than the sanctity of marriage. Talk about bait and switch.

On to the point-- Did she just say gay marriage was no inevitable because she is saying it's not inevitable? Cause, that's kind of what it sounds like to me.

4. Progressives are often wrong about the future.

Here's my personal litany: Progressives told me abortion would be a dead issue by today, because young people in 1975 were so pro-choice. They told me there would be no more homemakers at all by the year 2000, because of the attitudes and values of young women in 1975. Some even told me the Soviet Union was the wave of the future. I mean, really, fool me once shame on you. Fool me over and over again . . . I must be a Republican!

If only her own little anectdotes about the past were fact. I actually posted about this a while back. Maggie's all mixed up--today's conservatives are really the past's liberals. Think of all the "liberal" issues that conservatives embrace these days: the end of slavery, end of segregation, legal interracial marriage, prohibition, censorship, women's suffrage, working families, etc. etc. And, I'll admit I'm not all that old, but I have a hard time believing anyone said that by 2000 there would be no homemakers or that abortion would be a "dead issue." And the Soviet Union argument is just silly--we can't argue that a subset of ultra-liberals were speaking for all liberals. Give me a break.

5. Demography could be destiny.

If there is one force that directly contradicts the inevitability argument, it is that traditionalists have more children. Preventing schools and media from corrupting those children is a problem, but not necessarily an insoluable one. Religous groups are increasingly focused on the problem of how to transmit a marriage culture to the next generation (see the USCCB's recent initiatives).

Isn't it her side that says something about us recruiting children? Besides, if this argument held true, we wouldn't be having this argument in the first place, because gay marriage would have never been able to get the support it currently has, and no social movement would have either. Anti-gay parents don't automatically make anti-gay children (thankfully).

6. Change is inevitable.

Generational arguments tend to work only for one generation: Right now, it's "cool" to be pro-gay marriage. In ten years, it will be what the old folks think. Even gay people may decide, as they get used to living in a tolerant and free America, they don't want to waste all that time and energy on a symbolic social issue, anyway. (I know gay people who think that right now). I am not saying it will happen, only that it could. The future is not going to look like the present (see point one above). Inevitability is a manufactured narrative, not a fundamental truth.

Wait, wasn't point number 1, "Nothing is inevitable?" This one's a joke, right? Then she says something about inevitability being a manufactured narrative. Really, she gets paid to write this stuff? Anyway, change is apparently only inevitable among one generation, not among future generations. Yes, just like all of those other social changes I listed earlier. So, the only things that are inevitable are what she says are inevitable. Gotcha.

7. Newsflash: 18-year-olds can be wrong.
Should we really say "Hmm, whatever the 18-year-olds think, that must be inevitable," and go do that? I mean, would we reason like that on any other issue?

Who on earth is saying that? You can't just make things up. The good news is that 55 year olds can be wrong too.

8. New York's highest court was right.

From Hernandez v. Robles:
The dissenters assert confidently that "future generations" will agree with their view of this case (dissenting op at 396). We do not predict what people will think generations from now, but we believe the present generation should have a chance to decide the issue through its elected representatives. We therefore express our hope that the participants in the controversy over same-sex marriage will address their arguments to the Legislature; that the Legislature will listen and decide as wisely as it can; and that those unhappy with the result — as many undoubtedly will be — will respect it as people in a democratic state should respect choices democratically made.

Did she just quote a judgment that says that same-sex marriage should be left to the legislature and elected representatives? I'll call California and Maine and let them know Maggie's switching sides. But really, this has nothing to do with whether or not gay marriage is inevitable. Or did I miss something? All she had to come up with was 8 points. Two of them contradicted each other, most of them have no support at all, just "because I said so's," and this one has nothing to do with the inevability of sames sex-marriage at all. Good news guys, it looks like we've got this one in the bag!

Gays Are a Bunch of Prissy Queens

2009-11-20T06:44:00.001-08:00

"If Annise Parker wins, she is obviously going to hire her own people, and I for one don't want a bunch of prissy gay guys running around city hall."

I live in Houston, and the current mayoral race includes a lesbian as one of the two candidates left, and she might win. It's really exciting, and as you can guess, the local conservative talk show hosts are all over the case.

I was listening to one of the shows on the way home, and in his defense, the host didn't opine one way or the other on his thoughts--he just wanted the callers to give their opinions on whether or not it mattered that Annise Parker is a lesbian.

The calls were about 8 in 10 would not vote for a lesbian. It was a conservative show, so that's fine, I expected it. But don't you worry, all of the callers "loved gay people" and "didn't discriminate," they just didn't want to show young people that it was ok to be gay. Or something to that effect. It just makes you feel all warm inside.

And then one of the "I don't discriminate" callers came up with the quote above. Stay classy, anti-gay conservatives, stay classy.

Apparently Liars Can Win--Just Ask Maine

2009-11-04T06:35:00.001-08:00

It's the day after election day and a year after the Prop. 8 fiasco in California. And what do we have to show for it? Another loss for marriage equality.

It's amazing to me that we lost again. I'm not quite as devastated as I was last year with Prop. 8, but maybe that's just because I prepared myself for this possibility this time. That's not a good thing, though.

So, we lost again, and to liars no less. Blatant liars. I'm not really sure how it's legal to run a campagin based on lies. After it was all said and done, they still got their untrue message out, and the average person didn't realize they were being lied to. I guess they think God will be proud of them. They may have lied, but at least the gays didn't win.

The good news is that we won in Washington and Kalamazoo. Those aren't exactly the same significance as Maine, but at least they're something. Now we just have to figure out how to let everyone else know that lying isn't something we are going to stand for. I'd assume that's part of everyone's value system.

A Christian Comes Out

2009-10-14T08:58:00.000-07:00

National Coming Out Day was last Sunday, October 11th. I'm (obviously) already out, and even though I was looking for something to do to celebrate, I ended up not doing much.

A friend of mine, however, decided to take advantage of the day and come out to everyone he knows. On Facebook. Wow. So, at 12:01 am on October 11th he updated his Facebook status to say, "...wants his friends to know the real me: the real me who likes guys. yep, its true. I'm gay. :)"

This friend of mine has been struggling with his sexuality for a few years, is a Christian, has gone to Christian counseling to help deal with his attractions to the same sex, and as a result, has a mix of friends--conservative Christian, gay, and those somewhere in between. So, the coming out process hasn't been that easy for him. While a lot of people can depend on most of their friends to be there for him, he wasn't sure that was going to be the case with all of his.

After a couple of days of getting emails with just a "?' as the content, my friend decided to write a lengthy note on Facebook to describe where he was coming from. The note was very clear and thorough as to his motivations, and in it he thanks his friends that have been supportive, asks those that disagree from refrain from using the, "I'll love you but..." lines he had already seen, and then goes on to describe why he came out.

He talks about not wanting to hide his orientation and attractions anymore, not letting some friends into his whole life while others are in the dark. He discusses his attempts to change his own orientation through counseling and therapy, and discusses his views on his own salvation in light of his coming out. Most importantly, though, he talks about his struggle with coming to terms with being gay and how he dealt with depression and thoughts of suicide. This wasn't a decision he came to lightly.

I'm proud of him. I know how hard it is to come out, and its especially hard when you have friends from such varied backgrounds. Unfortunately, not everyone was as proud, and a rather heated discussion followed. Here's a few excerpts from those people that disagreed (all of whom referred to themselves as Christian):

"[You have] taken God's name, thrown it to the ground, and pissed on it."

"In as much as you do that [fall to homosexuality], you flaunt it and Christ's sacrifice as meaningless to you. I do not know how long this flaunting can go on before you are beyond reach."--and that was one of the nicer ones. Nothing like doubting salvation to win points.

"my heart is breaking for you...for that delightful, engaging, talented, and intelligent young man who has chosen a path to self-destruction."

"Do not listen to those who approve of this; their words are poison and their advice deadly. White-washed tombs is a compliment to them."

And my favorite of all--"Mark, you must unfriend the young and impressionable in your friend list. You may choose this, but it's wrong to expose kids to it."

Here's a new one (added after the original entry). Notice the use of the word "homo" at the end. Classy: "Second, America is the land of the free and home of the brave. I have just as much right to hate, dislike, make fun of, put down, support, encourage, or agree with something or someone just as you have the right to be a homo."

So there you have it. The responses of "loving" Christians to someone that just came out. And to someone that had already talked about how hard it was, and even talked about how terribly depressed he had been for years dealing with this. This is how they responded to someone in need.

A commenter on another blog asked me the other day why Christians always get blamed for being anti-gay when other religions have similar views. Maybe this is the answer. In fact, in a comment chain that went on for over 50 comments, only two people that disagreed with my friend's coming out did so with love and compassion. Pretty unbelievable.

Maybe examples like this will show those Christians that think homosexuality is wrong why their message isn't often falling on friendly ears.

Happy National Coming Out Day!

2009-10-11T07:49:00.000-07:00

Gays Still Recruit

2009-10-08T07:22:00.001-07:00

You know, I honestly thought that it was only the far right fringe (the Paul Cameron, Peter Labarbera, and James Hartlines of the world) that still accused gays of recruiting their kids. I honestly really did. Apparently I'm still a bit naive (or maybe it's just me being too trusting in the inherent goodness of people).

But I was wrong, as you might have guessed. Yesterday on my drive home, while listening to a local conservative talk show host named Michael Berry I heard the recruitment accusation come up again. It was just in passing; some drawn out monologue about parental responsibility that eventually led to him saying that "alternative lifestyle" clubs are really just recruitment clubs. Berry was guest hosting the nationally syndicated Mark Levin show, and I've always found his views to swing more far right when he guest hosts for Levin, but I was still shocked by what I heard.

I always found Michael Berry, while conservative, to be fairly level-headed and fair. He was a popular city councilman in Houston until he term-limited out of office. I typically enjoy his show. And then I hear this.

So now I wonder if people that make these kinds of claims are really just that ignorant of homosexuality (do they honestly believe we want to recruit kids?), if they are that hateful of gay people (to make such a slanderous claim), or if they just don't care--they want ratings, and they want to win the "culture war" at all costs? Is it that much of a stretch for me to see a connection between a statement like "gays recruit kids" as a reason we still see gay people getting beat up in the streets? I'm starting to think it's not.

Texas Judge Agrees to Divorce Two Men

2009-10-02T07:13:00.000-07:00

A state district judge in Dallas agreed to divorce two men that were married in another state and went on to say that the Texas ban on gay marriage violates the US Constitution. Sure the judge in the case is a Democrat (can you imagine if this came from a Republican), but this is Texas, so it's a big step either way, and I'm glad to see her take such a stand, even if it's likely to be overturned on appeal.

Oh, and before anyone goes on whining about "activist judges," and "unelected officials" let's remember that we elect judges here in Texas, we don't appoint them.

I guess all those voters are glad they voted to change the Texas Constitution to outlaw gay marriage. Because of that move, this court ruling isn't really going to go anywhere. Unless, I suppose, this were to make it's way up to the US Supreme Court. Unlikely, but hey, we were the state involved in getting rid of those pesky anti-sodomy laws for good, so you never know.

It's GLBT History Month

2009-10-01T13:33:00.001-07:00

Welcome to October. Beginning of fall and cool weather, the birthdays of both my dad and my younger brother, home of Halloween, and most of all, GLBT History Month.

I bet most of you didn't know it was GLBT history month (I barely did), but it is. And, to keep you more informed, there's a whole website about it. The site is going to honor one new gay icon per day for the entire month. The list includes famous gays from past and present. To be honest, I only recognize about half of the list, so I'll have to take a closer look at the site to see who the others are.

That's that, I guess. Maybe we can debate how worthy some of those on the list are. Or, we can just be thankful that we have gay people to look up to in the first place. Gay people that even the most ardently anti-gay could be proud of in some cases. Your call.

Oh, and hopefully I'll be back with an update before this, but in case I'm not--don't forget about National Coming Out Day on October 11th. I've only participated once, and it was on a minor scale. I'm completely out now, so I'm not sure what I'll do. I feel like I should do something, though. Any ideas?

Gays Can Be Cured- Just Get Lobotomized

2009-09-25T07:37:00.001-07:00

I caught this story over at Box Turtle Bulletin. Believe it or not, there's still a doctor out there that is advocating curing gays. Oh wait, you already knew that. That's like all I talk about over here.

Ok, so here's the catch, there's still a doctor out there that is advocating curing gays through the use of lobotomies, castration, aversion (including electroshock) therapy, and lifetime drug regimens. I thought this was a joke at first, and honestly, I'm not still 100% it's not a joke, but if this is real, Dr. Carl Weber, of the International Institute for Psychiatric Medical Research (it sounds so official!), is all for fixing gays through the most updated scientific methods, like--you know--lobotomy. And, he claims a success rate of near 100%!

But don't fret, worried gays, apparently lobotomies don't turn you into zombies (that's "just for movies and television programs"). It's just like removing your appendix, you see.

And, if you're skeptical--you only need to look at the 2 uncited case studies to ease your doubt. I mean, it doesn't get more believable than that, right?

Sounds safe enough to me. Sign me up, I guess!

Transgender Kids

2009-09-03T07:14:00.000-07:00

I ran across an article today about a transgender boy that had his breasts removed at the age of 15. I've seen stories on television showing grade-school aged kids living as transgedered. Honestly, I'm not sure what I think.

I hear the stories about how much happier these kids are once they live life according to the gender they feel comfortable in. Parents tell stories about how letting their children make the transition (either partially or totally) has basically saved their kids lives. And, honestly, I see where they are coming from. I'm sure it's liberating to see a depressed, unhappy child come out of his or her shell to live life to it's fullest.

But. How young is too young? Letting a boy take on the persona of a girl at a young age is one thing. But, hormone treatments at 12? Breast removal at 15? These are huge decisions where there is often no turning back. You have to be at least 18 to get a tattoo because of the irreversible nature of the procedure. Obviously a tattoo and a transgender youth aren't the same thing, but the idea is the same. This is an irreversible procedure for the most part.

Kids are kids, and unfortunately their decisions aren't always thought out. I'm not going to say that this boy or any other transgender youth isn't going to be transgender forever, but shouldn't we at least wait until he is older before we go down this track? I don't know, call me right wing if you must, but I just can't get behind this one.

Wedding Bliss Starts Today in Vermont!

2009-09-01T07:15:00.001-07:00

The day is finally here. All the happiness, excitement, planning, stress and whatever else comes with planning a wedding will finally payoff today for a bunch of Vermont gays because today they can legally get married.

Congratulations, Vermont!

On a side note, my friend DannyBrou has recently found the joy of posting controversial political topics on his status updates on facebook and watching the mayhem that ensues. He said gay marriage would be his next topic. I can't think of a better day than today to do it. Just sayin'.

Dr. Warren Throckmorton on the Stubborness of Some Christian Media

2009-08-28T11:50:00.000-07:00

For those of you not familiar with Dr. Warren Throckmorton (though I'm sure most of you are), he's an Associate Professor of Psychology at the conservative Grove City College and does a great deal of work in the world of homosexuality and ex-gay issues. Over the years, Dr. Throckmorton has moved from what I saw as a very staunch pro-exgay view to one that is very more centric.

These days I've found Dr. Throckmorton to be one of the most middle-ground voices in the gay vs. ex-gay world, and he keeps both sides under very well needed scrutiny. That's basically why I go to his blog--to get a view of what's gonig on out there that is a nice escape from the pro-gay and anti-gay sites I usually find myself rummaging through.

Let's not forget, though, that he works for a conservative school and comes from a pro ex-gay background. In past blog posts, I feel that this background has given him not only a different perspective, but also unique access to the anti-gay and pro ex-gay world that most other critics don't get. Unfortunately, though, that background doesn't always means he is going to get the time of day.

In a recent blog post, Dr. Throckmorton questions the validity of NARTH refering to their recent summary paper on ex-gay successes as "new scientific research." Unfortunately, the paper does not provide new research--it just summarizes and rehashes old studies. Throckmorton rightfully wondered how a group, a self-proclaimed Christian group, no less, could claim this to be "new scientific research," when none of the research was new. He then took his question to the past president of NARTH who told Throckmorton two times that he did not have time to answer his question (but somehow had time to say that twice).

This leads me (finally) to the topic of this post. After being asked in the comments of his blog post why NARTH feels it appropriate to stretch the truth on such a regular basis, Throckmorton conjectures that maybe it's because the Christian media (the media that is both on their side and most likely to cover them) lets them get away with such things, even when they are shown problems.

Throckmorton brings up an instance where he pointed out to OneNewsNow (of the AFA) that their slant on a story was wrong, and rather than look into the issue, he got the cold shoulder. And this is from someone on their own side. I can only imagine what happens when a pro-gay person points out similar issues.

For now, thankfully, the Paul Cameron's of the world have been fairly widely rebuffed among most major media sources, and even most of the Christian ones don't get near him as a direct source, but thats as far as they go sometimes. They still get away with third-party sources that use Cameron's material. They still get away with misrepresenting studies about divorce rates and adoption. And, as long as they continue to rationalize away their detractors by pretending that anyone not ant-gay is the enemy, they may never change.

A Letter from a Pastor

2009-08-27T08:03:00.000-07:00

As you have probably noticed, blogging has come to a basic standstill here these days. Work has been more busy than ever before (no exaggeration), and with my new roommate at home and a laptop that's given up on me, really haven't had much time to be online. I'll try my best to keep updating.

For now, just a short post about a letter I just read, compliments of Box Turtle Bulletin. As you probably heard, the Lutheran Church agreed by a 2/3's majority to ordain gay clergy and to allow (but not force) gay marriages. It's an amazing step, especially given the size of those in favor of the move. They acknowledged that not all members would agree with the move, but also acknowledged that it was the right thing to do.

Anyway, the letter is from a Lutheran Pastor in rural Texas--one of the last places I'd think to find someone in favor of gay marriage. It's a non-confrontational letter that tries to let its readers get an understanding of all of this in a more general context, rather than just hammering home the "Gays Go To Hell" meme. Give it a read.

On Sarah Palin

2009-07-07T13:30:00.000-07:00

For those of you guys that are still here...here's a little post about Alaska's soon-to-be-former Governor, Sarah Palin. And, here's a promise that I will at least try to post more often, difficult as it may be.

I'm going to reserve judgement on Sarah Palin's resignation. Plenty of other blogs are talking about that. All I really want to talk about is how sick I am of hearing her whine. She came out swinging from the beginning of her choice as McCain's running mate. She went straight for the jugular on Obama, Biden, and most importantly, the media, which she lovingly and right-wingedly refers to as the "main-stream media," which is kind of like calling modern day doctors and medicine "Western medicine," implying that there is some inherent flaw that those of us that are less enlightened just can't see.

So Governor Palin comes out of the gate and starts throwing jabs at the media and the Democrats. It was no secret that McCain was going to be the good guy in all this, and Palin was going to be the smiling assassin picking people off wherever she could. It's not necessarily a bad tactic. Every company, political organization, mob family etc. needs a good hit man. But the problem with being the hit man is it means you aren't liked. It comes with the territory--just ask Karl Rove or Rush Limbaugh. People don't like people that go after them. Crazy thing.

But for some reason Sarah Palin thinks everyone should like her (even though she obviously doesn't offer the same friendliness she asks for in return). And since everyone doesn't like her, she's playing the victim card, and she's been playing it since she stepped out into the public view. I'm sick of hearing her whine (have been for a while), and apparently she's sick of it too (oh wait, she was sick of hearing Hillary Clinton whine, never mind). Maybe this is just some sort of weird political stunt, but you'd think she'd realize people are on to her by now. Even Fox News is fed up, which I guess makes them part of the mainstream media group now too.

Hopefully by resigning Sarah Palin is doing what's best for her family, and hopefully that will mean I don't have to keep hearing her blame her troubles on everyone else. Actually, I'm just hoping I won't have to hear much more from her at all.

Obama's No Friend of the Gays

2009-06-17T14:09:00.000-07:00

Or at least that's what just about every gay blog I've been reading (and Rush Limbaugh too!) has to say about it. I've got to admit that things aren't looking so hot from where I stand.

You might remember that I said when I saw Obama speak in Houston that I had this concern that he was speaking like the high school class president candidate and promising no school on Fridays--a lot of hope-filled promises without a whole lot of plans. Let's hope that's not where this thing continues to go.

On a departing note, I have a question: What's worse, an job interview where the candidate has a gold tooth or one where the candidate is missing a tooth?

Oh Hai

2009-06-16T14:59:00.000-07:00

The good news--I'm posting after an almost two week absence. The bad news--it's not going to be much. My online activities are almost non-existent these days save emails and random blog reading. I have just been spending so much time on the computer at work that I haven't really had the desire to get online at home, which means no blog updates, no facebook, etc. It happens I guess.

I've been really emotional lately. I don't think this is connected to turning 30, but maybe I'm wrong. I've read a few entries on a few of the personal blogs I read (as opposed to the political ones I guess) and seriously, the littlest thing gets me all choked up. What's that about?

I'm having the last of my birthday parties this weekend (this is for the people that didn't get to go to Vegas with us). It's a karaoke party, and I'm somewhat afraid someone is going to steal the mic and do/say something super sappy. I'm sure I'm not going to end up boo hooing or anything, but it is in the back of my mind that I might have a big lump in my throat. Probably I'm just being silly.

I guess that's it. More updates to come when I'm not feeling all weirdly emotional...

I'm Not That Old...Yet

2009-06-03T09:44:00.000-07:00

Turning 30 still hasn't sunk in yet, I don't think. Really, I'm pretty sure I'm saying that because no one has actually asked me how old I am since my birthday. Once I have to start telling people how that I'm 30 it might actually sink in.

But, remember a while back when I said that I still felt like I was closer in age to someone in college (or right out of college) than a 30 year old? That still holds true. I just have trouble admitting that I'm a full fledged adult, in spite of all the signs pointing that direction (a house, a husband, 2 cars, a dog, a career, savings, a 401K, etc. etc.).

Mayble I'll hold off freaking out until someone tells me I "look good for my age." Maybe I'll get lucky and won't freak out at all. I mean, I've always thought turning any age througout my life sounded too old for me, basically since college, and I've made it this far without any big life crisis, so I can probably make it a bit further until I have to start having doctors and medicine uphold my appearance (on that note, I guess I'm lucky that I've never had that baby-faced look since I don't have to worry about losing that).

Sorry for the mindless ramblings...turning 30 will do that. I would like to say, though, that when I got on the elevator this morning, an older man called me chief, so maybe I'm not that old afterall. Oh, and I got carded in Vegas. There's still hope (or perhaps they were both being nice).

Maya Angelou on Gay Marriage

2009-05-29T06:49:00.000-07:00

Box Turtle Bulletin has a post up about prominent black civil rights leaders that have recently come out in favor of gay marriage. The two quoted in the post are NAACP Chairman Julian Bond (who I've been a fan of since I saw him give an MLK Day speech in college) and poet Maya Angelou.

The BTB post has great quotes from both supporting marriage equality, but my favorite is a line from Maya Angelou because it does such a good job of emphasizing the human element in this debate--something that I thing is easily forgotten, especially among anti-gay marriage folks.

In a call to New York state Senator Shirley Huntley, Maya Angelou told her that she, "would ask every man and every woman who’s had the blessing of having children, ‘Would you deny your son or your daughter the ecstasy of finding someone to love?’”

It's an important point. I wonder how many of the anti-gay marriage crowd would voluntarily give up their own right to fall in love.

30 is the New 20!

2009-05-26T08:43:00.000-07:00

My birthday was Saturday. I went with a group of friends, including my twin brother, to Las Vegas to celebrate. Great times!

I'm now officially old (I think I say that every year). If I keep telling myself that 30 is the new 20 maybe I'll believe it. Is it weird that I still feel like I'm in my early 20's? I did get carded at a casino this weekend, so at least I have that going for me.

No Gay American Idol

2009-05-21T07:51:00.000-07:00

I didn't vote for Adam Lambert to win American Idol. In fairness, I didn't vote for Kris Allen either, but had I voted, I definitely would have voted for Kris. He's too adorable not to vote for! Well, that and I really can't see myself buying a cd of Adam Lambert's shrieking, but I could definitely see myself buying something of Kris', especially if it is a lot of acoustic stuff.

But, does my support for Kris and lack of enthusiasm for Adam make me a gay traitor? Am I a bad gay that just handed the far right the ammunition they needed? I doubt it, but some people really seem to think so. In all honesty, while Adam surely is the better performer of the two, Kris earned his win, and I liked his stuff better. I just can't get behind the "America still hates" gays whining.

Sorry guys. Hopefully I can keep my gay card (if I ever even had one to begin with, that is).

Nine Year Old Marriage Activist

2009-05-20T07:22:00.000-07:00

Meet Steven. He's nine years old and an activist for marriage equality. Because he wants to be, not because of something some adult forced on him (ahem: people that make their kids hold horrible signs with horrible words against gays).

If you want to read one of the most touching stories I've read in a really long time, you should check out Steven's story. Even cuter than him might be how proud his parents and teacher are of him.

Let's Get Gay Married in Maine

2009-05-06T10:02:00.000-07:00

Five. That's the number of states that allow full marriage for gays and lesbians (thanks to Maine today). How amazing is that?

Maine just became the 5th. It might take my state my entire lifetime to make a move this big, but to see so many other states going the right way on this sure is exciting!

Gay Marriage- I've Changed My Mind

2009-05-05T11:25:00.001-07:00

I've decided that I've changed my mind about gay marriage. Don't jump to conclusions--I still fully support gay marriage, so that's not where I'm going with this.

For a long time, I've tried very hard to give people that were against gay marriage the benefit of the doubt on the issue, telling myself that they're confused or can't overcome the teachings of their upbringings or religious beliefs to understand the absurdity of the idea that gay marriage would somehow destroy the institution of marriage. Don't get me wrong, I haven't been happy to hear people be against gay marriage, but for a lot, not all, but a lot, of them I tried to understand where they were coming from and give them the benefit of the doubt.

That time has passed, though. They're adults. They having minds of their own, and I've just grown sick of watching grown adults hide in their own bigotry, ignorance, fear, whatver else it is. I stopped believing in Santa Clause, and they can stop believing in this equally unproven idea of the destruction of marriage.

Call me jaded, or just call me realistic, but it's simply time to stop giving the anti-gay marriage crowd a pass. This is a personal issue for me. It always has been, but I've come to realize that I shouldn't be required to separate my personal life from a political issue that is so important to me.

To sit back and watch a mother claim that she "would go to the end of the earth for [her gay daughter]" and say that she "would never hurt her," but then go on to vote against gay marriage (and her daughter) as a legislator in Maine makes me cringe. To see another legislator say that the Maine bill to legalize gay marriage "isn't about civil rights...[it's] is about a social agenda, which tears at the very fabric of our society," smacks me as willful ignorance at best and straight bigotry at worst. For another lawmaker to claim that he doesn't believe that "… this [marriage bill in Maine] is about love and equality. [But] is in fact of recognition and legitimization of … a tiny segment of our society for selfish needs blows my mind.

Like I said, I used to try to give these people a pass. They don't understand what being gay really is. They haven't sat down with a gay person to understand how similar being gay is to being striaght. They're confused and led astray by the real anti-gay conglomerates out there. They just don't want to make too many waves.

I can't get there anymore. Watching someone claim that gay marriage is about selfishness rather than love makes my head want to explode. I'm probably one of the most easy-going, non-violent people you've ever met, but when I have to listen to stuff like this, rage has become my reaction.

There comes a time when you can only let people claim the ignorance card for so long. To hear a mom tell her daughter that an institution is more important than her own daughter makes me lose faith in humanity. To see people pretend that gay marriage will end marriage as a whole while turning a blind eye to the real ills of marriage makes me sick to my stomach. I'm over this. I used to think bigotry was too strong a word for people that were against gay marriage because of their own misinformation on the subject, but now it seems entirely appropriate. Ignorance can only go so far. When that ignorance becomes willful, there's more to the story.

The good news is things are changing, and the momentum is on our side. The bad news is, every time I hear this kind of stuff, I still want to puke.

New Blog Friend

2009-05-01T07:59:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone. I'd like to introduce you to my new friend DannyBrou and his blog. He's ex-ex-gay (not sure if he uses that term or not), and his blog is about that ordeal, his life, being a gay dad; all kinds of interesting stuff.

He and I just met a few months back through a friend of mine. Somehow it got out that I have a blog about ex-gay issues, and having gone through ex-gay counseling himself, he was interested in reading it. So, I gave him the address, and the craziest thing in the world happened--he'd already been to this little blog of mine before and even commented on it. It's such a small world we live in, even the online part of it.

DannyBrou, believe it or not, is actually the first person I've known personally to have gone through ex-gay therapy. I've talked to a lot of people over the years through email and blogs that have been, or still are, ex-gay, but he's the first one I've known in real life. It's pretty amazing what kind of a difference talking with him has made on my perspective on things, and I'm so very appreciative for that and having met him.

Anyway, go check out DannyBrou's blog and leave him a comment.

PS- did I mention that the Rockets are going to the 2nd round of the NBA playoffs since I was in high school? Consider me pumped!

Day of Silence vs. Day of Truth

2009-04-17T07:11:00.001-07:00

If you haven't heard, today is the Day of Silence--a day when students across the country are encouraged to be silent for the entire today to draw attention to anti gay bullying, name calling and harassment. Anti-gay bullying is a problem, period. Anyone that tries to say or pretend it isn't is living in denial.

The day seems harmless enough. After all, who wants bullying? Unfortunately, as many as a dozen national right-leaning Christian organizations are calling for school walkouts because they claim the Day of Silence is nothing more than an attempt to indoctrinate young people. So, be careful I guess, because if you don't skip school on a day where a few of the kids refuse to speak (and let's be reasonable, we are talking about a few kids from each school participating, not entire schools, or even the majority of the students), you might just turn gay. Something like that.

As an alternative to Christian Skip Day, Exodus International and the Alliance Defense Fund have created and/sponsor the Day of Truth. The Day of Truth, which takes place on Monday, 4/20, is billed by their website as a day to "counter the promotion of the homosexual agenda and express an opposing viewpoint from a Christian perspective." It's interesting that the Day of Silence is a day billed to encourage students and others to recognize that bullying is going on at schools and get it stopped, but the Day of Truth, organized by Christian groups, no less, does nothing to even admit that this type of bullying might be going on. Can you feel the love?

It's an unfortunate strategy, and it's pretty sad if you ask me. I understand some Christians are against being gay, but are they really so against it that they take a day that is meant to draw attention to anti-gay bullying (something that even Exodus' own President, Alan Chambers admits happens), and turn it in to a day to show the evils of being gay? Why not stand with the gay kids and say that while they disagree on gay issues, they agree the bullying is wrong (see Dr. Warren Throckmorton's Golden Rule Pledge for a Christian answer I can more easily get behind)?

The Day of Truth is almost a slap in the face to gay kids that have been bullied. Just a few days after silently sending a message about anti-gay bullying, another organization then gives out fodder that bullies could pretty easily use as ammo, and unfortunately, the Day of Truth's official information card that they encourage kids to hand out is just that ammo. For jr. high and high school aged kids, the message is more misleading and maybe even dangerous than it is helpful.

According to their website, the Day of Truth cards say (emphasis mine):

I'm speaking the Truth to break the silence. True tolerance means that people with differing -- even opposing -- viewpoints can freely exchange ideas and respectfully listen to each other. It's time for an honest conversation about homosexuality. There's freedom to change if you want to. Let’s talk.

I guess the message itself seems harmless, especially to someone not familiar with gay or ex-gay issues, but the part I bolded is the important part. Can you imagine the maturity of a jr. high or high school kid telling a gay kid he can change if he just wants to? It's like the 12-year old (6th or 7th grade?), ChristianU2uber, saying in his Youtube videos that he used to be gay, but once he heard it was wrong, he started liking girls. This is the demographic we're talking about here!

The problem is, not only is it misleading and potentially trouble-making (to say the least) to have straight kids led to believe that their gay peers can change if they want to, it's potentially dangerous. I guarantee that most kids out there (gay and straight) don't understand the nuance of the phrase "There's freedom to change if you want to," and to be honest, most adults don't understand the nuance either. The reason is that the nuance isn't explained. So, for a straight kid that already picks on gays...not only are they picking on them because they are different, but now the gay kid is only different because he wants to be...afterall, he can change!

To a lay person--kid or adult, gay or straight--"freedom to change" means change from gay to straight. Ask anyone. It's only the politically active ex-gays (and those that follow them) that understand that "change" can mean basically anything they want it to. It might mean change from gay to straight, even though it hasn't meant that for the President or the Vice President of Exodus International. It could mean that "change" means that a person will always have gay attractions, but they won't act on them anymore, or it may mean that they still have gay attractions, but act on them less. Actually, it could mean anything, but it's pretty clear that "change" doesn't usually (and some would argue ever) mean what this card implies--that gay kids can turn straight if they just try hard enough. And as much as Exodus wants to claim that that's not what this card implies, it is...just go around and ask anyone what they think it means.

So here it is, the Day of Silence. Gay kids are asking not to be beaten up, and ex- and anti-gay folks are taking it as an opportunity to fuel the fire and give less-than-honest information to kids that could potentially cause incidents of anti-gay bullying (especially in the wrong hands). I'd like to think that if Exodus claims it's in the business of helping gay people (as they claim) they'd be just a bit more thoughtful about the type of help they are offering.

A Book I'm Reading

2009-04-15T07:03:00.001-07:00

He knew about homosexuality, of course, as an idea, without ever having really connected it to human emotion; certainly never to any emotion of his own. It had never occurred to him that two men, even homosexual men, might kiss in that way. He had assumed, to the degree he had ever permitted himself to give it any thought at all, that the whole thing must be a matter of blow jobs in dark alleyways or the foul practices of love-starved British sailors. But those men with the neckties and mustaches--they had been kissing the way people kissed in the movies, with care and vigor and just a hint of showiness. One fellow had caressed the other's cheek.

I'm reading The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay right now. So far I'm enjoying it very much. The other day I came across this passage (it's the first outward mention of homosexuality in the book, 250 pages in), and I couldn't help but take notice of the significance of what it was.

It's an interesting commentary on the way people perceive homosexuality. The book is set in WWII, but the passage is certainly relevant still today. How many times do I hear anti-gay folks talk about gay people not being able to control their "sexual impulses" or say that they don't hate the person, they hate the sin (or the actions)? They're talking about actions, not emotions or feelings, and it's a strategy that works quite well.

Just like the character in this book, the anti-gay folks out there imagine homosexuality as sex acts in dark alleys, bars, and clubs. They don't (because they either can't or refuse to) stop to understand the human emotion that comes along with it. If people had to admit that homosexuality involved all the emotion--the love, togetherness, happiness, etc. that they feel in their own lives, it'd be a lot harder to dismiss.

When a woman kisses her husband, she feels the wave of emotion the author describes, but somehow when she discusses homosexuality, she removes all of those feelings from the equation. She's made homosexuality into "the other," and now her own conscience doesn't have to try to understand because it's those nasty actions she's against, not real people with real human emotions so similar to her own.

I Couldn't Have Said it Better Myself

2009-04-08T08:49:00.001-07:00

It's like I wrote this myself:

To those on the political and religious right who are intent on continuing the battle to preserve “traditional marriage” in a nation that is rapidly discarding its traditions, I would ask this question: What poses a greater threat to our remaining moral underpinnings? Is it two homosexuals living together, or is it the number of heterosexuals who are divorcing and the increasing number of children born to unmarried women, now at nearly 40 percent, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention?

Most of those who are disturbed about same-sex marriage are not as exercised about preserving heterosexual marriage. That’s because it doesn’t raise money and won’t get them on TV. Some preachers would rather demonize gays than oppose heterosexuals who violate their vows by divorcing, often causing harm to their children. That’s because so many in their congregations have been divorced and preaching against divorce might cause some to leave and take their contributions with them.

Except I didn't. A politically conservative Christian writer that is adamantly against gay marriage did.

I've been pounding out this same message for years, and nearly every time I do, I get accused of trying to change the subject. The problem is, I'm not trying to change the subject. I'm trying to point out the hypocrisy of all of this.

When anti-gay folks tell me they just don't agree with my lifestyle because they want to do God's will or follow the Bible, they're not being genuine. Don't get me wrong...some of them may not even realize that they are giving a pass on all that God and Bible stuff to themselves and about 50% of the once-married population, but it's about time people actually get this stuff pointed out to them. I'm glad to see someone on their side do it, even if the rest of the article wasn't quite so agreeable.

Hat tip: Box Turtle Bulletin

The Pros of Being Gay (Take 4)

2009-03-31T14:17:00.000-07:00

Hi Welcome!

Work work work work work. But, you don't care about any of that. Great news, my bedroom has now been repaired, and J and I have started the move out of the guest room and back to our room, and more importantly, our bathroom. How exciting is that?!? (It's exciting for us, trust me).

Anyway, without any promises of more frequent blog posting, I come with another installment of "The Pros of Being Gay."

This one came to me while out celebrating St. Patrick's Day at a local gay watering hole. Some friends and I were sitting in a booth, enjoying ourselves, when all of the sudden someone gets pushed off of a stool and then another guy jumps on top of him and punches him several times (not in the face, thankfully). The guy doing the punching stopped after a couple of blows and then ran out the door.

After it was all over, I was kind of stunned (and I realized that while it was happening I started yelling at them like they were my 2 dogs in a fight, why brought some lulz later on). Anyway, the reason for the stunned response was that in the 7 years or so that I've been going to gay bars/clubs, this is the first time I've ever seen a fight involving gay guys. I've seen my fair share of fights in straight bars, sporting events, etc., and I've even seen a couple of lesbian fights, but up until that night, I had never seen a fight involving two gay guys.

So, to sum it up--The Pros of Being Gay (Take 4) is: Not having to deal with fights at bars (or at least not as many).

Happy Anniversary to us--10 Years!!

2009-03-09T08:46:00.001-07:00

Where have I been? Man, when work gets busy, everything else goes to the wayside.

But, I'm back, and I have a great announcement. Today is J's and my 10 year anniversary! How crazy is that?!? J likes to tell people we met when we were 13, just to watch their reactions. It's kind of funny to see how many people fall for it. Actually, we were wee college students the young age of 19 and 20.

To commemorate this very special occasion, I have written a little diddy or two.

First one (it's a little self absorbent, which I find hilarious):

it was ten years ago today, when J and T were meeting.
there were three little twinkles in their eyes, when over the threshold J was carried.
J and T are the greatest, you're the greatest couple the world has ever seen.
we love you both, we wish you the best, happy anniversary, great joy and happiness.

happy anniversary, happy anniversary to you.
happy anniversary, happy anniversary to you.
T you're the king of the bread winner's heart, and J, you're the queen of homos.
Parker, Twilo and Dane, our lucky son and daughters.
happy anniversary, happy anniversary to you.
happy anniversary, happy anniversary to you.

Here's the second one:

You are moving on a crowded street
Through various shades of people
In the summers harshest heat
A story in your eye
Well, speak until your minds at ease

Ten years come and gone so fast I might as well be dreaming
Sunny days have burned a path
Across another season
A fortune rises to the sky
Ten years come and gone so fast
You are driving down an empty road
Beside a shady river
When the sky turns dark as stone
The trees begin to shiver
The grace of God is nigh

Ten years come and gone
And that flash has never been forgotten
Sunny days have burned a path
Across another season
How do the powerless survive
Ten years come and gone so fast

And if you look into your future life
Ten years from this question
Do you imagine a familiar light
Burning in the distance
The love that never died

Ten years come and gone so fast
I might as well be dreaming
Sunny days have burned a path
Across another season
Ten years come and gone so fast
Sunny days have burned a path

Ok, so maybe I didn't write these myself, but bonus points if you can tell me where they came from!

I Used to Hate Being Gay--Comments Revisited

2009-02-11T07:26:00.000-08:00

Hey guys. Sorry for the super long delay in updating in 2009. Work has been really busy lately (that's a whole other frustrating story), and I find when I get home, I've not really wanted to get on the computer much, which means less reading about things (and coming up with things to write about), and, of course, less time to update this blog in general.

Anyway, I wrote a post a couple of years ago called "I Used to Hate Being Gay," that has had quite a few comments since it went up back then (you can see the link in my "Greatest Hits" section on the side). Apparently if you Google "I hate being gay" it's one of the entries that comes up, so I've attracted some new readers that have just kind of stumbled over here.

As you guys probably realize, I get an email update every time someone comments on this little blog of mine, so I've been following the sporadic comments on the post, and I've been thoroughly enjoying hearing other people's experiences, both good and bad. Well, "enjoying" is probably not the best word, but the conversation has been interesting, sad, moving, and exciting all at the same time. What just occurred to me, though, is that most of you guys might not have seen the comments or the ongoing discussion, so I thought I'd point you in that direction.

The comments people have left are definitely worth reading. It's a mixture of both pre and post coming out stories along with people's feelings about struggling with being gay. Please feel free to stop by and check out the conversation, and if you are so inclined, feel free chime in with your own experiences.

So, see you there?? Until then...

Harvey Milk Photo Montage

2009-01-26T09:02:00.001-08:00

A blog I read from time to time, East Village Boys, has a montage of photographs by Dan Nicoletta, a photographer, political activist, and friend of Harvey Milk. The photos cover some of Milk's life and the environment of the San Francisco Castro district in the 1970's (note: this particular post is G-rated, but many of EVB's posts contain adult content).

The movie Milk moved me more than I've been moved in a long time, but it wasn't Harvey Milk's death that got to me--it was watching so many people getting together for a cause they were so passionate about. I saw the movie the week after the Prop. 8 fiasco, so the scenes in the movie struck a specific chord at the time. The pictures over at EVB show how real the environment the movie portrays really was. I can't imagine how both empowering and frightening that time period must have been back then.

Check out the post, and if you haven't see Milk.

Where Did the Year Go?

2009-01-14T09:30:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm back. And, I'm really wondering why none of my devoted readers were worried if I was ok. Come on guys, I could have died or something!

Anyway, this post is going to be kind of short. I really just wanted to check in. Here are some things that I've done since I've been gone:

Went to visit J's family for Christmas in West Texas.
Went on a cruise with my dad's side of the family over New Years and proved ourselves to be the most obnoxious family on the cruise. It was really fun.
Decided not go on a New Year's cruise in the future. As fun as it was, it wasn't worth the craziness with the holidays.
Got a new roommate. Our dog Parker got a new roommate too. We're still dealing with that. Two puppies, no yard, yikes!
Watched an episode of Law and Order that had heavy references to my old friend Paul Cameron.
My online presence over the last 2 weeks has been less than it has been in years. This is still a result of being out of town so long over the holidays, oh, and the new dog.
Have not started working out with P90X again. We're shooting for Saturday. Surely I can get willpower for 90 days. I mean, it's just 90 days.

Ok, I'll leave it at that for now. But, before I go, I'd like to list some of my pet peeves. I don't talk about work much, but basically I interview people all day long. I love it and hate it all at the same time. Here are some of the things I hate:

When I go up to meet a candidate and they give me a blank stare. Who were they expecting?
When someone shows up late, even just by one minute.
When someone doesn't apologize for being late (this is way too common).
When someone shows up more than 15 minutes early. Wait in your car, please.
When people seem to think they are too good for our position. If that's the case, fine, just keep it to yourself.

That's it for my update full of lists. I'll be back to regular scheduled updates now (hopefully).

Rick Warren and the Invocation

2008-12-19T07:37:00.000-08:00

This post is for Matty V, who asked where my outrage over Obama's invitation to have Pastor Rick Warren give the invocation at his inauguration.

I can honestly say that up until today, I really haven't had much outrage. I think Rick Warren is wrong about gay marriage and gay rights, but in the past I've given him the benefit of the doubt. If I went around protesting everyone that didn't agree with me on gay rights and gay marriage, I'd never get anything done (and let's not forget that I believe Obama himself is wrong on gay marriage). So, I was willing to not get up in arms about Rick Warren. From what I have seen of him, he's no James Dobson or Pat Robertson, and I had given him credit for that.

That is until this morning, when I cam across a post over at Box Turtle Bulletin. In an interview with Ann Curry, Warren answers a question about homosexuality possibly being biological and demonstrates both his ignorance on what he is requiring of gay people, and also what I see as a complete lack of respect for gay folks in general.

I'll start with the lack or respect part. I admit this claim is a bit harsh, but this interview is the second time that I've heard Rick Warren refer to his "gay friends" and then follow that up with a negative stereotype about gays. The first time, Warren was asked about gay marriage, and he said he was against gay marriage just like he was against incestuous marriage and pedophilia marriage (I may have just made that word up). When asked specifically if he thought those two types of marriages were equivalent to gay marriage, Pastor Warren said yes, and then proceeded to say he had gay friends and that no church as done more to help AIDS than his own. What? When did we start talking about AIDS?? Oh yeah, we were talking about gays, so AIDS would be the next logical step (and we can all pretend his church was helping AIDS in the gay population and ignore that the majority of his church's assistance went to AIDS sufferers in Africa).

So, the first time Warren was asked about gay marriage, he compared it to incest and pedophilia and then brought up his "gay friends" just to mention that he supports AIDS funding (in Africa). Now, the second time he talks about his "gay friends" he comes up with this doozey, "Here’s what I’m saying. I’ve had many gay friends tell me, “Well Rick, why shouldn’t I have multiple sexual partners? It’s the natural thing to do.” He's 2 for 2 on this one--when he brings up his "gay friends," he only brings them up to reinforce negative stereotypes of gays, that they have AIDS and now that they are promiscuous." Note to self--do not be a "gay friend" to Rick Warren.

So, on to his ignorance about gay people and what he is calling for from them. The problem is that Warren's little example about promiscuity is off base, whether intentionally or not, he's sugar coating his "call" to gay people, and just like that judge on Top Chef, I can't help but spit this stuff out (worst reference ever; don't kill me). Warren claims that he's not promiscuous, so gays shouldn't be either. Ok, I'll give you that. Really, most people would. But what he doesn't mention (and this is a clever obfuscation), is that he gets to have a healthy outlet for his sexuality, but he doesn't offer one to gays. He's not asking gays not to be promiscuous. No, gays have to be celibate. He's comparing his own sexual fidelity to his wife to a call for celibacy for gays. That's not the same thing at all, no matter how you spin it (I wonder how he would take to a demand that he be celibate?). And, before someone goes in and says all single people have to be celibate, gay or straight--it's still not the same thing. He's asking gays to suppress all romantic feelings and activities completely, not just abstain from intercourse. We're talking about holding hands, cuddling, kissing, etc. Of course, his message sounds a lot more effective when it sounds like he's only asking gays to do what he asks of himself. It's not true or honest, but it's effective.

So that's that. I was giving Pastor Warren a pass. I'm not going to go around getting mad at everyone that isn't 100% gay positive. I'll disagree with them, and I'll think they're wrong, and if I know them I'll explain that to them, but I'm not going to boycott or even get mad about every instance of someone not agreeing with me. But Rick Warren has gone beyond that now. He's used an opportunity to make a conciliatory gesture to demean gays. Rather than offering a middle ground, he's throwing up stereotypes and ignorance. I can't support that.

Jon Stewart on Gay Marriage

2008-12-10T07:12:00.000-08:00

Jon Stewart on gay marriage:

"I think it’s a travesty that people have forced someone who is gay to have to ‘make their case’ that they deserve the same basic rights."

Jon Stewart had Mike Huckabee on his show as a guest last night, and a good portion of their conversation turned to gay marriage. Stewart made one of the most thoughtful and level headed arguments in favor of gay marriage (and against Huckabee's talking points) that I've seen in quite a while. The above quote was in response to Mike Huckabee claiming that "“[T]hose who support same-sex marriage have a lot of work to do to convince the rest of us.” Well said, Jon, well said.

I saw the segment live last night by some stroke of luck, but Pandagon has the entire interview. Watch it. You'll love Jon Stewart all over again (and who said he was weak on interviews?).

Milk

2008-12-09T08:03:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to blog about this for a while, but I keep getting busy with other things. You know how it goes. Anyway, I went to see Milk last Thursday with some friends. If you haven't heard of the movie you really need to get out more, but it's a biopic about Harvey Milk, the first openly gay man to be elected to city government in the US, who was later assassinated.

The movie was great. Possibly one of the best movies I've ever seen. Sean Penn plays Harvey Milk, and he was amazing, especially considering what a stretch this character is from what he normally does. If you haven't seen Milk yet, plan to--it's well worth the time.

For me the movie was especially moving because of the timing with all of this Prop. 8 mess. Harvey Milk was one of the main players in the movement that defeated a proposed CA law that would ban gays from being teachers. It's truly amazing to see how similar the arguments against gay teachers were to the arguments today against Prop. 8, civil unions, employment protections, hate crimes laws, etc. It was equally amazing to see the passion the movement had back then. While some of my friends cried when Milk was assasinated, I had to hold back tears when I saw the protests form in the streets demanding change--it was that moving.

The religious right has been playing the "morality card" against the gays for a long time. The good news is that we're winning. As much as the anti-gay folks don't want to admit it, we are winning. We might have lost Prop. 8. It might be legal still to fire me for being gay in Texas, but if you compare where we are now to where we were then, you can see how far we've come. I'm glad this movie was able to remind me of that.

Stop Recognizing Marriages

2008-11-28T09:54:00.000-08:00

Via Pam's House Blend, I just came across a blog post at Religious Dispatches where the author, Tom Ackerman, is trying out a new social experiment where he refuses to recognize marriages.

Instead of using the words "husband," "wife," or "spouse," Tom has decided to use words like "special friend," "longtime companion," "boyfriend," "girlfriend," etc. As an example he talks about asking a man how his longtime companion was. When the man responded by saying she was his wife, Tom told him that his beliefs don't recognize marriage. It's fair is you ask me...if their beliefs don't recognize my marriage, why can't I do the same thing?

My first reaction to the idea was to laugh. It is all a bit humorous. But then it kind of sounded like a good idea. As accepting as J's dad is of both of us, every now and then he'll chicken out when introducing me to someone and introduce me as J's "good friend." Of course, I'm not hating on J's dad, because my dad really won't even go that far, but my point is that even many accepting folks still have trouble using the word husband or spouse. Maybe if I started introducing J's Dad and Mom has "special friends" they'd see the difference.

Now I feel like I really am picking on J's dad. I'm not. I'm using him as an example that even really accepting people are sometimes afraid to take the linguistic leap. If we were straight, they wouldn't even think about it (heck, they'd probably be proud to say spouse), but since we're gay, they're stuck in some kind of word limbo.

I don't think I'm going to run around "refusing to accept" marriages on a regular basis, but it's an interesting idea, and I might just try it out from time to time. If civil unions (which aren't even legal in my state for the record) are so great because they're just as good as marriage, albeit with a different name, then maybe married people should hear the differences for themselves from time to time.

I can't wait to tell my mom and her "special friend" about this!

"They're Coming to Your Town!"

2008-11-21T12:34:00.001-08:00

I just stumbled upon an unbelievable video from the AFA called "They're Coming to Your Town," a short "documentary" about how gays took over a small Arkansas town and apparently destroyed the "moral fabric" of the town.

I am really hesitant to ever make any comparisons to Nazi tactics, but you really have to watch the trailer on this one. This preview is so close to Nazi propaganda it's amazing--demonizing gays as people that will destroy America's cities one by one. The narrator describes the 28-minute video as an account of how "a handful of h activists infiltrated... the Eureka Springs city government" and warns viewers, "Don't let this happen to your city."

The trailer runs like a preview to a horror movie...inciting fear into it's viewers from the very first line. The narrator goes on to sound the alarm by telling viewers that "a well-organized gay agenda will take over the cities of America one city at a time," and one of the interviewees warns that, "If it hasn't happened to your town, get ready, because it is going to happen."

This is propoganda at its worst. This is why the "culture war" is where it is today. For all of those that claim gay people are the ones perpetuating the current environment in America...how are we supposed to respond to delusional messages like this? Well meaning Christians out there watch absurd videos like this one, made from an organization that claims to be a Christian group, and they fall for it hook-line-and-sinker. After all, why would a good Christian organization like this tell them something that wasn't true?

Let's see...gays are "infiltrating" the city, changing it's very "moral fiber," and the video warns three different times not to let this happen to your city. Read: Gays are monsters, and they will destroy your very livelihood. Nice. The AFA really should be ashamed of themselves for something like this. Actually, everyone should be.

Anti-Gay, Anti-Family

2008-11-14T07:41:00.000-08:00

I'd like to start by encouraging all of my pro-gay readers to participate in the Nationwide protests occurring this Saturday at 12:30pm Central Time. The protest will be occurring at the city halls of major cities across the nation. Please go to www.jointheimpact.com for more information. This is important, so please participate!

Now on to the post. You know, all of the backers of these anti-gay ballot measures talk about how they're pro-family. Heck, many of the groups on the front lines of getting these initiatives passed have the word "family" in their names. Unfortunately, anti-family would be more like it.

Marriage initiatives aside on this one--let's look at the recent adoption ban that passed in Arkansas, making it illegal for non-married couples to adopt or foster children. The anti-gay folks, as you might imagine, are claiming that kids are best raised by a mother and a father, and nothing else should be allowed. I guess it sounds ok on it's face, but it ignores some pretty basic facts.

First, the state of Arkansas has thousands of children in state custody that are waiting for adoptions or foster parents. I have a very hard time believing that they are going to be better off in state custody than in the home of a loving gay couple or unmarried straight couple, or loving single person for that matter. To think otherwise is just silly. But with this new law, more kids will stay in state custody.

Second, though, and this is very personal to me--I have a 12 year old sister that lives with my mom and step-dad. I also have a twin brother in law school and a younger brother that does not have a job, and hasn't in quite a while. If my family lived in Arkansas, and something happened to my parents, God forbid, my sister would not be able to live with J and me. It doesn't matter that we are very well equipped to provide for her (much better equipped than either of my brothers at this point). It doesn't matter that she is my sister. According to the new Arkansas law, the state would rip apart my family and send my sister elsewhere.

But somehow I'm supposed to believe this initiative is pro-family. Right.

Now if the rest of the world could see through this nonsense for what it really is, we'd be in good shape.

I Couldn't Have Said it Better Myself

2008-11-07T08:55:00.000-08:00

A friend left a comment on my Facebook about the gay marriage vote in CA (I've had a mini-discussion going on after I updated my status with my devastation about the vote).

Here's what she said: "Being Constitutional has nothing to do with the popular vote. States should not be able to make laws that restrict the pursuit of happiness."

It's a very good point. If being Constitutional means something is an inalienable freedom, right or benefit, how can we then change the Constitution to say otherwise? Semantically it makes sense, but semantics aren't what matters here.

Basically we're not just changing the Constitution to make gay marriages illegal, we're essentially changing the very meaning of the Constitution itself. Constitution is made to give people rights...inalienable rights to freedom, happiness, etc. Changing that on the whim of popular sentiment of the time erodes that very foundation of the Constitution, and those rights themselves. Now our Constitution will be come a list of whims of the populace, not a document expressing the birth right Americans have to freedom. Conservatives (real conservatives) should see that.

Victory/Defeat

2008-11-05T06:45:00.001-08:00

Barack Obama is now the first black person to be elected to be President of the United States. No matter what side you were on in this election, you have to admit that this is an historic moment. I stayed up last night just so I could tell my neices and nephews that I saw the first black man get elected to be president. Amazing stuff.

I have to admit, though, that I was more intently watching the Proposition 8 race in California (mainly because it was running closer than the presidential election) that would ban gay marriage in the state's Constitution--reversing a ruling by the state's Supreme Court. The local CBS station in Los Angeles is calling the race a loss for gay-rights advocates, but they noted that it's still too close to say for sure.

This makes my heart hurt. I had never felt more defeated, demeaned, and disillusioned in my life than when I watched Texas vote 75% in favor of banning gay marriage in our Constitution. I literally felt physically ill when it happened. I had hoped for more from California.

The supporters in that state are celebrating, I'm sure. But for what? We've let a snapshot of opinions in time decide the fate of real people in a state's Constitution. What was supported by 61% of the population just 8 years ago is now only supported by 51% this year, and will probably be supported by even fewer in 8 more years, but by then it will be too late. Constitutions aren't meant for popular opinion, and only time will show how sad these debates really are.

Most importantly, though, we're talking about people's lives. The supporters of Proposition 8 used scare tactics and half truths to get their point across, spinning the issue as a public policy matter. If only more people could see how little it has to do with public policy and how much it has to do with real people and real lives, maybe things would be different.

Vote!

2008-11-04T08:13:00.000-08:00

It's the most important election of your lifetime. That's what they're saying at least. Even if it isn't, you should still vote.

Even if you're like me and live in a non-battleground state. Even if you're in college and think you have better things to do. Even if you're at work and think you're too busy. Even if you're worried about standing in line.

Vote. You'll be proud of yourself later (and I'll be proud of you too)!

Comcast- Complete and Total Incompetence

2008-10-28T15:41:00.001-07:00

**Update**
After writing this post, I was contacted by 3 different people at Comast (including Mark over in Comcast Cares) that all were calling to work with me to fix the problem. I appreciated the gesture and was happy to see the response, but I was worried that it wasn't going to be more than lip service.

Well, I got home that night around 9pm to find a guy working on the cable lines on the street outside of my house. He then came to tell me that he had found a couple of small problems that were causing the intermittent service and had fixed them.

As of today, we are back in service. I'm glad to see Mark and the others take such initiative to help me finally fix my problem (even if it did take forever for me and them to convince Comcast of what the problem was). I haven't seen my bill for the period of outage yet, so I can't comment on what happened there, but for now, Comcast actually did work hard to finally get me back up.

***

I'm writing this blog to blow off some steam and to hopefully let everyone else out there know the incompetence of Comcast. Bear with me.

I'm sure you saw my last blog post about my frustration with Comcast's reaction after the hurricane. Basically, the entire city has been fixed, but Comcast still can't get their stuff together.

I lost cable service on the morning of 9/13. Today is 10/28, and I still don't have cable or internet service thanks to Comcast. Service came on last week for 5 days and then this weekend for 3 more, but other than that, nothing. And for some reason, nothing is getting done about it. I've been assured that I won't be charged for my outage, but I'm pretty sure they're not even legally allowed to charge me for service that I don't receive, so that offer is more of a slap in the face than a real offer to own up to their failures.

Other than a few "we're sorry's," I've gotten nothing. No attempt to make it right other than putting me in the back of the line with anyone else. No even letting me talk to a manager. My one consolation has been Mark over at their online department, Comcast Cares, but unfortunately he seems to get swallowed up by the total failure that seems to be this company. As nice and helpful as he has been, my cable is still going out, and no one wants to fix the problem except to tell me a technician will come out, which isn't what I need, and the pattern repeats itself.

If you have any type of choice on your cable or internet service, consider yourself warned...don't use Comcast.

Now I'm going to sit in a hold queue and ask for my service to be fixed, only to have them tell me I don't have an outage in my area, wait 1-3 days for a technician that I don't need, who will order a crew to fix the line, who then gets cancelled because their is no outage in my area, so I have to call again to get a new tech....you get the idea.

Do Ants Stretch

2008-10-23T08:25:00.000-07:00

My puppy Parker is so cute when she wakes up from a nap, hops off of the bed, and then spends the next 15 seconds or so doing various stretches. It is adorable.

Which leads to my question...Do ants stretch too?

Voicemail Messages

2008-10-22T14:27:00.000-07:00

Is it just me, or is it a bit weird to have someone quote scripture on their voicemail message? I just called a woman, and she started with the standard, "you have reached blah blah, leave a message, blah blah..." but she finished by quoting scripture (something about making the best of every day, but I don't recall the exact words).

I'm all about being proud of your faith, but it just struck me as a bit odd. And don't get me wrong, I talk to hundreds of people a week, and I hear plenty "Have a blessed day[s] and other similar religious nods, but that's a pretty big step from actually quoting scripture. It just seems a bit over the top to me. Call me cynical I guess.

Update: So, I just called a guy, and I told him who I was and asked how he was doing, and his response was, "Blessed, blessed. I'm blessed." My response was, "Good, glad to hear it." How are you supposed to respond when someone tells you he's blessed? It sounded really weird to just respond by saying, "good."

Couldn't We Do Better Things with Our Money?

2008-10-16T07:19:00.000-07:00

Both sides of the anti-gay marriage constitutional amendment battle in CA have raised in the neighborhood of $20 million so far and will undoubtedly raise more money in the 3 weeks we have left into the election.

For what? To "save marriage?" Give me a break.

I don't live in Massachusetts, but I seem to remember that the state still exists, and gays haven't even taken over Boston yet. Besides that, marriage seems to be chugging along just fine over there. Hey, if Rush Limbaugh can blame the Democrats for destroying the economy by coming to power in 2006, we can certainly judge whether gay marriage has been a success or not in Massachusetts, and thankfully, not even the right wingers can claim it to have caused any real problems.

Can you imagine all of the millions (hundreds of millions?) of dollars we could have spent on far more important issues if this gay marriage absurdity weren't out there? How "moral" is it really to effectively take money from causes that need real help (feed the hungry, fight domestic violence, fund education, etc. etc.) for something like this? I think it might be time for these marriage amendment proponents to review their priorities.

Less Than Motivated--I Blame Comcast

2008-10-13T12:27:00.000-07:00

So much to do, so little...motivation?

Is it possible that my lack of cable tv and internet at home has made me less motivated and productive? Here I am, going on week 5 after hurricane Ike and I still have no internet or cable service at home and nothing to show for it, either.

Somehow the city of Houston has managed to repair every broken traffic light in the entire city, is well on it's way to picking up all the downed tree limbs and other debris from the roadside, and Center Point energy has fixed every electricty outage in southeast Texas, yet Comcast cable still can't get cable or internet to my house.

Well, the problem is that they're still trying to claim that I have cable service, despite 4 visits from technicians between my neighbors and me, all resulting in us being told the obvious--that we don't have service, but there's nothing they can do because there's a line down in the neighborhood. So, they promise to get a crew out, tell us it'll be a few days, and then Comcast cancels the crew because their computers show no outage in our area. And the cycle repeats into week 5. I realize there was a hurricane, but this is just straight incompetence at this point. Remind me why cable is still not deregulated again...

All this, and you'd think I'd be more productive at home than usual. You know, no tv or internet to distract me from doing work around the house, reading, working out, etc. etc. But I've actually found myself dipping into some sort of low grade depression. I was calling it the "Ike effect" but I think I'm going to call it the "Comcast effect" here soon. All I want to do is not have to watch network television while cooking dinner. Is that too much to ask?

Gay Marriage--Take 3!

2008-10-10T14:08:00.000-07:00

Connecticut's Supreme Court has paved the way for that state to be the 3rd state to legalize gay marriage.

Pretty cool stuff.

Now the question, as some of the commenters over at Box Turtle Bulletin have posed, is whether the timing of this is going to lead to some sort of backlash in the upcoming election.

I see the point, but we really don't have Presidential candidate that is running on a platform to take advantage of this like Bush did. Even the conservative side of the ticket, Sarah Palin shyed away from the gay union rights question when pressed.

What do you think?

Matthew Shepard: 10 Years Later

2008-10-07T09:03:00.000-07:00

10 years ago today, Matthew Shepard was found tied to a fence next to a rural bike path near Laramie, Wyoming. Matt was in a comatose state, barely breathing, and had been left out in the cold for 18 hours before he was found. One of the women that found him reported that the only areas on his face that were not covered with blood were two trails from his tears.

I wasn't out when Matthew Shepard died, and while I remember hearing about the story and watching the news coverage, I can't say that I remember being profoundly impacted at the time. I was a sophomore in college then, getting used to a new dorm and a new semester, and for some reason this terrible tragedy just didn't hit me like I know it would have today.

That's not to say that it didn't impact a lot of other people, though, and that's not to say that I didn't feel sorrow back then...I just didn't relate to it for some reason.

As much as we talk about gay rights and gay marriage and hate crimes and all of that other political stuff, it really takes a tragedy like this to put it all into perspective. In a perfect world, even if we disagreed about gay rights and all that comes with it, we could at least rest assured knowing that lives weren't on the line. Unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world, and our words and actions have meanings.

I'm not trying to imply that people that fight against anti-gay marriage or hate crimes bills or anything like that are to blame for unconscionable acts of violence like Matthew Shepard's murder, but I do know that unfortunately it takes something like this to bring their theoretic view of politics into the realm of personal. That's really always been my complaint...that my life is directly impacted by the gay rights debate, and I end up arguing against/debating with people that have no real vested interest in the issue at all...they're arguing in the theoretical, and I'm arguing in the personal. So, I'm impassioned, and I get angry, and sometimes even a little consumed, but it's because it's my life we're talking about here, not some sort of political theory that sounds great in talking points.

Nothing good ever comes out of violence like Matt's murder, but sometimes it forces people into the personal level of an issue to finally see what they hadn't been able to previously.

The Advocate has an "oral history" type of article up about Matthew Shepard's final days. It's worth reading if nothing else to remember how far things have come. It takes the memories of a dozen or so people close to Matthew, or the case, to piece together what happened and how their lives have changed since.

Moises Kaufman, director of The Laramie Project is quoted in the article and talks about why a violent attack hits so closely to home for so many gay people, even those of us that have never had to deal with violence or taunting personally, saying "people have spoken about how we as gay people feel attacked, injured, constantly in our culture. And that image of that boy tied to the fence spoke to so many of us about our pain and about our sense of how we fit into the landscape of this country. The impact of seeing what this was doing to the country." In a way, Matthew Shepard's murder was a realization that the fears, the worries, the concerns were all well-founded, no matter how safe we'd felt. And, even if for a little while, it forced a lot of straight people to feel our fears and worries too.

But, most compelling to me were the words of the Laramie police chief at the time, Dave O'Malley. It's through his words that I saw how dramatically things can change when a political issue gets taken from the theoretical to the personal, no matter who you are. In his quote, O'Malley remembers how his own view of the world changed back then, saying "I wasn’t hugely homophobic, but I was mean-spirited. I bought into the jokes and the myths and stereotypes of the gay community. Because of what happened, I was forced to interact with that community. Quite frankly, I started losing my ignorance. Did I reevaluate my beliefs in that first week? In the old country we’d call that a no-shitter. It didn’t take very long at all for me to realize that I was dead wrong." Views change. My own dad's views have changed (for the most part at least), but not because someone argued with him about how gay marriage could become legal, but because he saw on a personal level what it all meant. Luckily, his personal view was a positive one, but sometimes the bad ones make headway too.

O'Malley goes on to express how his views of hate crimes changed as a result of the Shepard case. He went from having the common conservative view that "every crime was a hate crime" to realizing that all crimes simply aren't the same. He remembers how he "saw the difference with what happened to Matt,: and goes saying, "we had kids moving out of Laramie, transferring to other colleges. There was a huge amount of terror and fear -- I hadn’t seen that before. There are people killed during liquor store robberies every day in this country, but I never think twice about going to the liquor store. It’s a different kind of a motivation and a different kind of impact. I’ve now been to Washington to speak about hate-crimes legislation on seven occasions. It’s something I believe in, and I’m going to keep working at it."

So, 10 years after this country, gay and straight alike, were dealing with Matthew Shepard's death, I hope people keep remembering that political issues like these really do impact lives. We're talking about personal issues here, not just theoretical ones.

Life After Ike

2008-09-26T08:12:00.000-07:00

Well, life after Ike has resumed and has been kind of normal...kind of.

I'm going to work and coming home and all of that usual stuff, but I still have no cable or internet at my house. I'm sad to admit (well maybe not that sad) that me without cable tv or internet equals very bored. But, at least I'm at home.

About 25% of the city is still out of power, including about half of my neighborhood, and driving around at night with no street lights is a really strange feeling. We've been under a curfew of 12am-6am, which means all restaurants, bars, clubs, music venues, etc. have been closing before then. The "gay neighborhood" still has no power, so I haven't really ventured down that way.

The grocery stores are just now getting restocked, and as of Monday or so, most of the gas stations have gas and keep it long enough to avoid waiting in line. Even schools started back up this week.

But, over 50% of the traffic lights in the city are still out, and I've never seen traffic be so bad in my life. Drive times for some people have gone from a reasonable 30-45 minutes to an insane 1.5-2.5 hours just to get to and from work.

I still haven't had my insurance adjuster come by, and the pile of wet carpet is still on the curb in front of my house. The city says it could be next summer before they are able to find the manpower to remove all of the curbside debris (on a side note--maybe I should rent a trailer and start charging people to remove their stuff).

My bedroom is still a bare, and very dusty, concrete floor, and my living room is still littered with bed frame pieces, a dresser, and other misplaced bedroom furniture. They'll both be like that for a while, but I'm sure I'm going to love my new and improved room.

All in all, we're safe, and my house is still standing. It could definitely be worse, and I'm sure these minor inconveniences will be over soon.

I'm Back, Alive, and Well

2008-09-17T08:29:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm back and other than cutting my toe on some broken glass last night while cleaning out my refrigerator, I'm just fine (who knew cuts on your feet could bleed so much, though?).

Anyway, I am happy to say that J, our puppy Parker, and I are just fine, as are the rest of my friends and family. However, I am a bit sad to report that the ground floor of my house flooded and there are several leaks in our ceiling. I was a bit upset because my house is pretty new, and I really expected it to be able to withstand the storm, but it was a hurricane after all, and I don't have any major damage, so I'm thankful for that. And now I get to remodel the master bedroom (that's me trying to stay positive)!

Hopefully this week I'll be able to post some pictures of my house and some of the surrounding areas. I just got power back last night, but I still don't have cable or Internet. Once I do I'll try to get some pictures up for you to take a look at. It really is an unbelievable thing to drive around and see a major city completely dark with trees, debris, and even some buildings down everywhere. I can't even imagine what areas on the coast like Galveston must look like in person.

Before the hurricane started, my step-dad emailed me to remind me to do some last-minute preparations and then ended by telling me that I was going to see "the most extreme weather of my life" and reminding me to make sure my camera's battery was charged. He wasn't kidding.

Two friends stayed with J and me at our place, and we spent most of the early evening/night talking, watching the news, drinking margaritas, etc. Kind of like a mini hurricane party. We even went outside several times to watch the trees sway as the wind picked up. It was pretty windy by night fall, but that was about it. By 3am or so the hurricane was in full tilt. Every window in the house sounded like it was going to explode at any second from the wind. On the second and 3rd floors you could literally feel my house swaying, and the creeks, groans, and whistles coming from every corner made me wonder if the house was even going to stay put.

As the hurricane moved past us, the winds changed direction and were pounding right at the french doors leading from my bedroom to the patio. The doors were shaking so hard that it honestly sounded like someone was trying to break them down. I got out of bed at least 3 times to look and see if the windows had broken behind the blinds because the noise was so loud.

At some point in the early morning J got out of bed too and stepped down onto wet carpet. At first we thought it was just a small spot, but it was clear pretty quickly that it was the whole floor, so we immediately started moving furniture and pulling out carpet. We had the room emptied and the carpet out into the street by 10am or so, while the last winds and rain of the hurricane were still hanging on.

After less than a day of no power and a house that now looked like a bomb went off because of displaced furniture and leftover dishes from the night before, we found a house with some electricity and went there for the night, only to have another storm blow through over night to make the largest hole in my ceiling even bigger. An hour or so after getting back home, we high-tailed it to Austin, where I stayed the night. J and our friends are still there, but they're coming back tonight.

The city is under a nighttime curfew through Monday, and last night the restaurant we ate at (one of the very few that was open) were only serving fajitas and beer. The city is slowly getting back to normal, and my house will too--new and improved (I hope).

So, that's the update and the story. Moral of the story is that I'm now boycotting hurricanes; or at the very least evacuating next time--I'm not too proud to admit that the experience was just a bit scarier than I had anticipated.

Thanks to everyone for their prayers and kind words. I'll update later as I have time with pictures and even maybe some commentary about the city/nation's response. You know I can't pass that opportunity up.

Take care everyone.

Shelter In Place

2008-09-12T06:47:00.000-07:00

I don't know what it's like where you guys are from, but it's basically pandimonium here in Houston. I'm talking lines for gas 20 cars long, people fighting over bags of ice, etc. I'm sure you've heard (well it's all we hear on tv here at least), but we're currently right in the path of hurricane Ike. So far Houston it supposed to get hit with a category 2 hurricane, and the city is basically losing its mind.

I evacuated a few years back for hurricane Rita, and we decided to stay put this time. I don't know why, but I actually want to be in my house to keep an eye on it or something. Plus, even though I'm from Houston, I've never actually been in a real hurricane, so I'm a bit interested to know what it's going to be like.

The mayor has asked residents of Houston to "shelter in place," which basically means stay home, rather than evacuate. The city is worried that the catastrophe that was the Rita evacuation will happen all over again, but now I'm a bit concerned that he's encouraged 4 million people not to leave when a really destructive storm is about to hit. The PR from that could potentially be really bad.

I'm going to do my best to take pictures and what not. I think I'll be fine until I lose electricity, but after that I might lose my mind. 95 degree weather with no A/C for how ever many days could really be brutal. I'm not looking forward to that, let me tell you.

Well, wish me luck everyone. If all continues as planned, I will probably have some very interesting stories coming out of this. See you in a few days!

Happy Birthday J!

2008-09-03T09:05:00.000-07:00

J has turned the big 3-0 today, which means he is now officially old. Thankfully, I am not so old yet, but we're all very excited for J.

Now he can drink legally or join the army or buy cigarettes...oh wait, I think those milestones have already passed. Well never mind then, but you guys should go over to J's blog to wish him a happy birthday!

Hi, Welcome!

2008-09-02T14:54:00.001-07:00

Hi, Welcome! This is a catch-phrase that a friend of mine has started saying recently in the most ridiculous high pitched voice he can. The phenomenon has now invaded my entire friend group and is spreading like wild fire. Feel free to use it yourself, but be careful, you won't be able to stop.

It's an impression of a co-worker of his at The Gap that apparently says it whenever anyone enters the store. I've yet to experience this, but J and I have demanded that my friend call us next time she is working on a weekend so we can go and hear this one for ourselves.

Here's a quick weekend round-up--The friends and I evacuated New Orleans at around 10am or so Saturday morning. We were there for our annual Labor Day trip four Southern Decadence, but Hurricane Gustav had other ideas. We had a good time on Friday, but my favorite two days (the free concert on Saturday and Sing-Along-Sundays on Sunday) were cancelled, and I have been more or less in a bad mood ever since. We're hopefully going back for Halloween to make up for it. Fingers crossed.

The Cost of Being Gay

2008-08-19T07:38:00.000-07:00

One of my blog friends, Pomoprophet, has been going through an unbelievable ordeal over the last month or so. Just reading the last several entries on his blog (which he had to make private for a period to try to stave off any more problems) left me choked up.

Pomo has been a teacher and football coach at a Christian school. He loved teaching, he loved football, and most of all, he loved his students. All of that came crashing down when someone he knew two years ago while he was an ex-gay called his school to tell them Pomo was gay. It's unbelievable, really, that a person could work so hard to try to destroy someone else's life, but it happened, and now Pomo is left to deal with the aftermath. Pomo lost his job and lost the students and players he cared so much about. His post, "Redemption," really tells the story of his last day with his students in heartbreaking detail. It's not just him that lost out, but his students, players, and coworkers too. It truly is unbelievable that something like this can still happen.

Please read Pomo's story in his own words, on his blog. It's a story of betrayal, heartache, and in the end, awe-inspiring strength. Unfortunately its also a story of a Christian school getting it all wrong in the name of "love." Pomo's moving on and finding strength in all of this, and maybe one day his story will help people realize how wrong this type of thing really is.

This Just In

2008-08-18T15:39:00.001-07:00

I suck at Mondays. Ugh.

The Pros of Being Gay (Take Three)

2008-08-13T13:08:00.000-07:00

It's time for part three of my series "The Pros of Being Gay." Click these links for part one and two.

You can go to dance clubs shirtless!

Let me clarify by saying that I've never gone shirtless in a club, and have never really felt the urge to (my pale freckledness has made me somewhat image concious, especially when not at a beach or pool). But hey, if you like to be shirtless, gay clubs are the place to be!

"What if You Just Thought You Were Gay"

2008-08-13T07:46:00.000-07:00

I'll start this post off with a little joke that made me laugh (or if you prefer, "it brought the lulz"). "I like my women like I like my coffee...I don't like coffee." That's how Dan Rothenberg used to start his comedy routines when he was a gay comic back in the day. The only problem is that he's straight now, and not because he hated being gay.

If you've been reading this blog, or really most of the blogs on my blogroll, you should know about ex-gays and what the term means. Generally speaking, these are people that have decided (usually for moral or religious reasons), they no longer want to be gay. So, they work to either change their orientation, reduce their same-sex attractions, or simply avoid sexual contact with the same sex. I'm being simplistic, but you get the idea.

I've been researching, studying, and reading all about the ex-gay lifestyle (good one, huh?) for something in the neighborhood of 5 years now, and I'm fairly familiar with it. But, Dan Rothenberg, and lots of other guys out there, according to Details Magazine Online, turn out straight without ever going the ex-gay route. I guess you could call them formerly gay, or maybe just straight. The article over at Details discusses 4 former gays that never really were ex-gays. These aren't folks that tried to be straight or sought out some religious or political organization to help them solve their same-sex desires--they simply discovered that they were attracted to women and not men one day.

The idea sounds a bit weird to me, if for nothing else because I'm one of those Kinsey 10 people...I have no attraction to the opposite sex at all, as much as I've tried. And, of course, the first thing that came to mind for me was bisexuality. The author over at Details, though, dismisses that idea, saying the men were, in fact gay.

Intriguing, to say the least, but then I read on, and the bisexual dismissal started to sound just a little fishy. Even if I let the bisexual idea slide, experimentation, rather than orientation, seems to be the most likely reasoning to explain this phenomenon.

Let me explain:

The first person in the article (the comedian I mentioned above) "discovered" that he was "a bit of a boy magnet" in his early 20's after performing his stand-up routine in a gay area of San Francisco. He goes on to claim that he found hooking up easy for the first time in his life. So, before his 20's, it sounds like he'd never leaned gay, but realized he could get some action if he were. The article mentions the comedian is 35 and married for 7 years but realized 5 years before that that he probably wasn't gay. That made him early 20's when he thought he was gay and 23 when he decided he wasn't. Not a real strong argument for gay turning straight. Sounds more like straight guy experiments, realizes it's not for him, and then goes back to being straight again.

The second guy isn't quite as easy to categorize, but he did say that he was "all about girls" until he hooked up with his first guy. Basically, he hooked up with a guy for whatever reason, and liked it, but he was never not attracted to girls. Most gay guys don't describe themselves as being "all about women."

The third guy describes chasing women post-college as a "chore" and realized when he went to gay bars he "got hit on like crazy." According to the story, he convinced himself that dating men would be easier than dating women, so he gave it a shot with 2 guys for a couple of months each. Basically, he decided it wasn't for him and he went back to women. Experimentation strikes again.

The fourth guy says he thought he was gay from early on but had to fantasize about women to achieve an orgasm. I'm not really sure what was going on with him, but not being able to have sex with a man pretty much means you're not gay, regardless of what you've convinced yourself.

So that's the article in a nutshell. I'm not claiming that no one has ever thought they were gay (or even been gay) and then all of the sudden realized they were straight (hey, I've seen plenty of stories where it happened the other way around), but let's not go jumping the gun here. We can't forget that bisexuality happens and experimentation happens. Whether or not you agree with "trying out" both sides, just hooking up or even dating the opposite sex, doesn't immediately mean you're gay, as much as this articles seems to think it does.

P90X

2008-08-08T12:25:00.000-07:00

So, I've been putting off writing about this, even though I kind of feel like a broken record in real life about it. But, I've been doing this at-home workout video (well series of videos really) called P90X recently, and I basically talk about it non-stop. Ask J. He's beyond sick of hearing me talk about it.

I may not have mentioned that I'm an infomercial junky. I watch them a lot. Somehow the magical powers of the devices and programs the "shows" are selling just draws me in (I love how a lot of them pretend to be real shows, btw). But, I don't just watch them, I sometimes purchase them too. Between my brother and me, we probably have close to a dozen things that have at one time or another been on an infomercial (although we usually wait until we see them at a store and buy them there).

It all started in high school when we bought some program for improving your memory. It was cool, and it worked, but we lost interest fairly soon. Later it was the more traditional products. I have the EZ touch razor, which is this little battery-operated razor that is great for trimming sideburns and nose hair, and I still use it regularly. My brother has these little tupperware containers that fit into this handy little spinner, so it keeps them all neat and tidy. They work, but they're kind of small. I've bought some little special pet brush that doesn't work so well, we have a juicer, in college our mom gave us this little device that allows you to microwave eggs. A few Christmases ago we got a food dehydrator as a re-gift from my dad after he and my step-mom got each other the same thing (now that I think about it, maybe this runs in the family), and we have a magic bullet, basically a personal blender, which is really cool.

I'm sure there are more, but you get the idea. Some of the products work, some don't, but basically I'm a sucker for a good marketing campaign, even if a lot of times I just watch. So, the newest one is P90X, which is, like I mentioned, an at-home workout routine. The program is 11 videos that last 90 days. So here I am at day 30 of the program, and I can tell you that so far it's pretty good, and I'm definitely seeing results. Granted, working out for an hour to an hour and a half 6 days a week for 4 weeks and not having a single hamburger (or really any junk food at all save 3 pieces of pizza) is going to do that to you, but so far so good. I can tell a difference, and J seems pretty believable when he tells me he can too (but then again, isn't that what boyfriends are for?).

So, 60 days left. Maybe if I get really ambitious and really impressed with my results I'll post some before and after pictures up here. Until then, you really should look at some of the results people have posted on the message boards. These are just pictures average people have posted to show their progress and success, not the regular marketing stuff, and a lot of them are truly amazing.

Bye for now, I'm off to work out. Ok, just kidding, I already did it today and tomorrow is my off day, which I'll be spending at an all-day pool party. Did I mention I hate working out? It's not going to be the easiest 60 days, but it can't be that bad, right?

Shooting at Gay-Friendly Church

2008-08-01T07:34:00.000-07:00

I was out of town at a family reunion in South Texas this weekend and through part of the week, and I'll admit I haven't been watching the news (or reading it online) as much as I usually do, but how on earth did I miss this?

A man walked into a gay-friendly church in Knoxville, TN, during Sunday services last Sunday and opened fire, killing two people and injuring at least 7 others, 5 seriously. The shooter later told police that he had intended to kill everyone inside the church, and many in the community believe the gay-friendliness of the church is a possible motive. What an unbelievable tragedy.

Had this been a school shooting, I feel like I would have seen high level news footage for weeks. Much like schools, people go to church expecting to feel safe and be protected from the dangers of the outside world. So, did I just miss all the news coverage of this shooting, or did it not get the coverage we've come to expect from similar mass shootings?

Incidentally, neither of the two victims that lost their lives were gay. Not that that matters, I just thought it was worth mentioning.

Check out Box Turtle Bulletin for tons of coverage on this tragedy.

Updates- Greatest Hits

2008-07-23T07:44:00.001-07:00

The "I Used to Hate Being Gay" post that I wrote about 2 years ago has been getting comments sporadically since I put it up here on the blog, but lately it's had a little extra attention. Most of the comments have come from people who searched online for the phrase "I hate being gay" and were directed to my site. The comments have been touching, emotional, and powerful all at the same time, and I hope they continue to come in. I'll try to be more diligent about responding to them in the future.

So, as I was responding to a couple of the latest comments, I decided to finally get around to updating my "Greatest Hits" links. I couldn't resist putting the "I Used to Hate Being Gay" post as the first link, because I feel like it's the most powerful thing I've written on this blog so far (and it has nothing to do with the fact that the Advocate picked it up as a letter to the editor ;-). Feel free to disagree if you think I've written better posts too, btw.

Among the others I decided to include (all clickable from the links on the sidebar) are "I like Being Gay" (for balance and progress sake), "Pictures from My Wedding (how could I resist that?), Meet Paul Cameron (his shenanigans are one of the reasons I started this blog), and "Fall Out Boy's Terrible Message" (which is the first story I semi-broke on the blogosphere).

Please check the links out if you haven't read these posts before, and maybe suggest others if you feel so inclined. And, if anyone wants to get included on my blog links list, now's the time to ask!

The Pros of Being Gay (Take Two)

2008-07-21T08:42:00.001-07:00

Ok, here's part two my "The Pros of Being Gay" series. Click here for part one.

Lots more hugging and kissing on the cheek!

Here's an explanation of this one- I realized today that among gay people, typically the only time I shake hands is when I first meet them. After that, we greet each other and say goodbye by hugging and sometimes kissing on the cheek (for closer friends at least). Yesterday at a birthday party I must have hugged and/or kissed 30 people. I like it better that way--Shaking hands is so impersonal.

Insure.com's Anti-Gay Article

2008-07-15T08:21:00.000-07:00

Box Turtle Bulletin broke a story last week about a major insurance broker, insure.com, hosting anti-gay articles on its website. The articles feature regurgitated Paul Cameron statistics (you remember that quack, right?), claiming that gay men live a life that is 20 years shorter than straight men. One of the articles, called Top five ways to kill yourself and get away with it, is now off the site, which is a good thing because the article resembled a parody more than actual serious writing. The article, as you can probably guess, named being gay as the number 1 way to kill yourself and get away with it, and commented (somehow seriously) that gay men get away with paying life insurance premiums that are unfairly cheap since they die so young.

Astonishingly, Bob Bland, the Founder and CEO of insure.com is defending the Cameronesque article about shorter life spans for gays and has commented several times that he does not plan to take the article down. This is even after the guys over at Box Turtle Bulletin have sent him numerous emails pointing out the fallacy of the studies they are citing. Mr. Bland claims not to have a political agenda against gays, but it's hard to see that based on this hard headedness.

Even Dr. Warren Throckmorton, hardly a gay-rights advocate (but a seemingly good guy nonetheless), pointed out that the author of the insure.com article failed to mention that the authors of one of the studies he cites wrote an article after their study was released specifically detailing why the study should not be used for the very actuarial conclusions the insure.com attempts to make. Mr. Bland claims that his writing and editing staff plans to review the "research" used in the article in the next 4 weeks or so but until then, he plans to leave the article up and stand by Cameron's quackery (check my Cameron link above to see how absurd of a move this really is).

I wrote a letter of my own to Mr. Bland addressing the fallacies of Paul Cameron and the Vancouver HIV study the article on his site references but haven't heard back (hint: the Vancouver study is about gay men with HIV, and the article on insure.com extrapolates it to speak for all gay men...wow). I encourage all of you to do the same (his email address is on their website). Like I've said many times in the past, it's one thing to not be in favor of gay-rights, but to use blatantly false, incorrect, and misleading information to stir up anti-gay sentiment is quite another. Mr. Bland should certainly be shown the err of his ways on this one.

The Pros of Being Gay

2008-07-11T08:12:00.001-07:00

I hear a lot of stuff about the cons of being gay. Hey, I used to dwell on them myself. But, things have changed for me over the last few years, and being gay is a good thing for me these days, so I'm going to start a theme of posts called "The Pros of Being Gay." I'll add these here and there as they come to mind. They'll go from fun to silly to serious. Feel free to add your own. Here's one to get started.

The Pros of Being Gay (take one):

If you're the same size, you get to share clothes. And, what gay man doesn't want more clothes?!?

Goodbye Work, Hello Beach!

2008-07-01T07:45:00.001-07:00

Is this blog even still here? I've too tied up in work/personal stuff recently I guess, so my apologies.

The good news is that I'm about to go on a week-long vacation in Puerto Vallarta. I've never been to the Pacific side of Mexico, so I'm pumped. The bad news is that I'm starting to get a cold, I think, so here's to hoping I start feeling better, not worse, very soon.

In other news, we had Pride weekend here this past weekend. It was a good time, though possibly not as fun as past years. Last year was one of my favorites because a friend lived in the gay neighborhood, so we barbequed at his house then went over to the bars and stuff later in the night. This year kind of just waited around until everything got started. Anyway, still a good time. Apparently there were 200,000 people at the parade, although we made a decision a few years back not to go anymore. Too many people, too hot, you get the idea.

Anyway, that's about it. I'll be thinking of you guys when I'm relaxing on the beach tomorrow!

Patriotic Pandering

2008-06-19T16:08:00.000-07:00

I got some junk mail at my office today that was an advertisement selling little flags to put in your car window. They're the kind that have a base that rolls up into the window so the flag can flap in the wind. The ad says it's perfect for company picnics. Maybe I haven't been to enough company picnics to know that's a popular thing to do at them.

Here's the funny part--when I opened the mailer, across the top it says, "Not since 9-11 has the flag been needed more!"

Wait a minute. What? Did I miss something? What's happened recently to make this the most important time to fly a cheesy flag from my car window? I mean, the war in Iraq has been going on forever, so it's not that. Same with the "war on terror," so not that either. I'm stumped.

I guess I'll just chalk it up to a little patriotic pandering. This kind of feels like those televangelists that get trusting old people to donate money to their "ministries" in the name of Jesus.

Whatever it is, I guess I'm just not going to be one of those "patriotic companies [that can] give one to each employee as a symbol of their employer's pride in America." Wow. See how tricky they are? Now I'm not patriotic for not buying their cheesy stuff. This is just blowing my mind.

Some people will do anything for a buck.

Concerned Woman AWOL

2008-06-13T14:19:00.000-07:00

My favorite Concerned Woman, Matt Barber (well technically he is a member of Concerned Women for America, not an actual woman) has decided to part ways with the right-wing organization. Barber was the policy director for cultural issues, and has had quite the career being anti-gay. He's going to, where else, but another right wing organization--the Liberty Counsel where he can continue to spread falsehoods about gay people, if he so desires.

No news yet on exactly why he decided to leave. I wonder if they'll keep their main public spokesperson's role in the hands of a man after this. I've always wondered about that decision.

Conservapedia

2008-06-05T07:37:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been a while! Life happens sometimes, I guess.

Some coworkers at work were talking about Conservapedia today. I've heard of and seen the site before, but I figured it was worth talking about. Basically, it's the conservative's answer to wikipedia. I'm not really sure how wikipedia is "liberal" since anyone can change it, but for some reason some conservative people thought they needed an answer to it (here's a list of their reasons why it's needed, but let's not forget that they can edit Wikipedia too), so this is what they created.

The site borders on being a parody of itself with some of it's entries and "popular articles." For example, in it's "homosexuality" article, after a brief introductory paragraphy, the very first entry lists biblical references (this is after the topic is only given a one sentence definition). The entry goes on to claim no biological or genetic cause for homosexuality at all (not even as a partial influencing factor), quoting several studies, including one from the 1950's, two from the 1970's, and none (that I can see) from this decade. The entry goes on to "quote" the APA by linking to a Concerned Women For America article. Of course, there are several sections linking homosexuality and pedophelia, based on faulty research, and interestingly, and several more that mention the violence of the "homosexual movement." This stuff makes Paul Cameron look like a real researcher. If you're looking to get all riled up, please go check it out. I actually can't even believe people can write such blatant lies like that. Oh well.

So, this is what they are claiming is a honest and non-bias answer to wikipedia? Wow. Some things never cease to amaze. Sadly, this is the kind of stuff that my dad and stepmom would probably fall for. Maybe not necessarily the gay part these days, but some people are so eager to have their own beliefs validated, that they throw all critical thinking to the wind. This is what results.

I was going to link to some other stuff (it's "popular articles" lists things like dinosaurs, professor values, Hollywood values, homeschooling, and other conservative buzz words). This thing is really just blowing my mind right now. The fact that people fall for this type of stuff baffles me. Anyway, I think I've had enough. Check out the site for yourself and be amazed, and not in a good way.

Happy Birthday To Me!

2008-05-23T06:59:00.000-07:00

Well, today marks the first day of my last year of being in my 20's. I'm starting to feel really old. For some reason, I just don't feel like I'm that close to 30. I wish I could just be 25 for the rest of my life.

Obviously, that can't happen. So, happy birthday to me! I hope everyone has a great weekend. Celebrate in my honor!

HIV-Positive Man Gets 35 Years in Prison for Spitting

2008-05-16T08:05:00.001-07:00

J told me about this story last night. He was noticeably upset by the ruling. I have to say I am too.

An HIV-positive man in Dallas was just convicted to 35 years in prison for spitting on a police officer during an arrest. The jury decided that his spit was a deadly weapon.

Never mind the fact that we learned long ago that saliva does not transmit HIV (unless there is some sort of blood involved due to a cut in the mouth). Never mind that had the man tried to punch the officer, which would have had a much higher chance of killing him, he would have gotten less time. This is like someone throwing a nerf ball at a cop as a prank and getting a life sentence.

Don't get me wrong--this guy should be punished for resisting arrest and spitting on an officer, but 35 years is something I can't even comprehend. Now the question is why (or how) this happened. Ignorance and prejudice are all that honestly come to mind for me. Hopefully someone will help get an appeal started.

Gay Marriages in California

2008-05-15T10:25:00.000-07:00

*Update*

The California Supreme Court just ruled 4-3 to overturn the state's ban on gay marriage. This could make California the second, and largest, state to legalize gay marriage.

This is very exciting news. The sky didn't fall in Massachusetts, and it won't fall in California either. I'm just hoping that this doesn't stir up political fodder for the upcoming election, once again leaving gays as the scapegoat in a partisan war over voters. I guess we'll have to wait and see.

*Update*: I was just eating lunch at a sandwich place, and CNN was on the news. There were discussing this story, and I was reading the closed captioning intently. A woman next to me leaned towards me to get a better view of the tv and said to herself, "only in California" in a disbelieving tone. I wanted to say something, even if it was just, "and Massachusetts," but I refrained.

Emotional

2008-05-14T08:45:00.000-07:00

I've been so emotional lately, and I don't know why. Yesterday I was at a student poetry reading for the non-profit J works for, and I had a huge lump in my throat nearly the whole time (the poetry was great, by they way). Last weekend I went with J to his sister's graduation, and I felt way sadder than I should have (maybe it was nostalgia?). The weekend before that I was at a friends wedding, and I nearly teared up. I never tear up at weddings.

I don't know what the deal is. I'm usually not the emotional type, and I'm not depressed or sad about anything in life, so I don't think that's it. Maybe as I get older I'm just getting more emotional (apparently I'm developing allergies too, which is no fun at all). Maybe it's just a phase.

I guess it's better than the alternative. As a kid, I bottled up my emotions very tightly, which I blame on my attempt to stay in the closet and deny my gay attractions. I didn't cry, even one tear, from the age of 14 to the age of 20. Surely that isn't healthy, so maybe I'm just making up for lost times. Who knows.

Update on Joel Osteen and Jay Bakker

2008-05-13T07:40:00.000-07:00

I have good news in an update from the post below. It turns out that Jay Bakker was able to find Joel Osteen personally at the Saturday service at Lakewood Church, and the two set a time to discuss GLBT families and faith on Sunday. I don't have many details on the meeting, but I'm glad to see that Osteen opened his heart to allow the meeting to happen.

Jay Bakker and Joel Osteen in Houston

2008-05-08T11:46:00.000-07:00

J just sent me this article about Jay Bakker, the straight son of Jim Bakker and Tammy Faye Bakker, coming to Houston as a representative of Soulforce to try to meet with Joel Osteen, the Pastor of Lakewood Church, the country's biggest church.

Soulforce launched a campaign late last year to attempt to meet with the pastors of six of the largest churches in the nation to discuss gay Christian families and the church's response to them. Four of the pastors responded positively, but Joel Osteen is one of the two that chose not to respond.

I have to admit that I was surprised to hear that Osteen didn't respond to the request to meet. He's been more silent than anything on the gay issue (he's no Pat Robertson for sure), so I figured he'd at least be open to speaking to Bakker and the folks at Soulforce. Unfortunately, he wasn't, which is really too bad. Even worse for me was the response from the chief of communications at Lakewood, who accused Soulforce of trying to "use Lakewood to further their agenda." I'd urge him to read more about Soulforce, their Equality Ride, and the reactions they had from the schools that actually visited them before making such an ugly claim.

So, not only has Osteen declined a simple invitation to meet and picnic with families to discuss their lives as Christians and the churches role in their lives as gay people, but his top spokesperson has accused Soulfource of trying to use the church to further an agenda. I'd really expect a church like Lakewood and a Pastor like Osteen to stay away from divisive rhetoric like this (this is exactly why Jay Bakker is coming to town), but I guess my hopes have been dashed. I'll try to keep you guys updated after the picnic (which will go on even if Osteen doesn't show) this weekend.

Another Wedding

2008-05-05T08:36:00.000-07:00

I was in a wedding in Oklahoma this weekend. One of my closest friends from college got married to a guy she's been dating for a few years. This marks the 6th time I've been an usher in a wedding I believe. I'm over ushering in weddings, but I guess that's what happens when most of your closest friends are girls.

The wedding was beautiful and a lot of fun. I got to see several people from college that I hadn't seen in years, and it was nice just to get out of town and have a break from every day life. I'm not sure how, but things have gotten really hectic here in Houston. Every time I turn around I've got something to do or something that needs to be done. I also got to see the bombing memorial, which was beautiful and very moving.

Back to the wedding- during the service (and I should admit that this has happened in the last few weddings I have been to), I couldn't help but feel a little turned off by the words of the pastor. He said all the normal things...covenant under God, God has brought them together, etc. Call me a cynic (and in their defense, I really do think this couple is great together), but the whole tradition of the wedding seemed almost insincere to me. It's a disturbing feeling to have, to say the least.

Apparently God had brought them together to be together until the end. That's what the pastor said, at least. I hope they are together forever, but all I can think about when I hear these words spoken at the weddings I attend is how hollow they seem. I've ushered in 6 weddings, and by the time it's all over, half of them will probably prove that God somehow hadn't meant for them to be together forever.

It was a wedding. I'm happy for my friend. She looked amazing and I could tell how happy she was and will be. I'm just wondering if it might be the slightest bit disingenious at weddings to proclaim that God has brought a couple together to live forever when it's a good bet that a lot of time that's going to turn out not to be the case.

American Family Association SPAM

2008-04-25T07:20:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the blogging silence lately. Work and personal life have been pretty hectic, and, in all honesty, I just haven't been too motivated lately to do much, let alone write. I'm trying to shake that feeling, so hopefully it will soon be a thing of the past.

Anyway, I got a very interesting email from the American Family Association today. What was it? Well, as you might have guessed from the title of this email, it was unsolicited spam. Unlike some of my fellow bloggers, I don't subscribe to the newsletters of far right organizations. I think they'd make me slowly lose my mind. Apparently, the AFA is going to make sure they get me an email whether or not I want it, though. So, I got the email without asking for it. Oddly enough, there's no "opt-out" email address or instructions. Doesn't that violate some sort of law?

On to the email itself. Notice the scare tactic of bringing up how our kids are in jeopardy. Who doesn't want to save our kids? Well, I guess at least they didn't tell me I had won some sort of international lottery.

Here's the text of the email:

I hope you will consider joining AFA ActionAlert...

What kind of society are we leaving our children?

Millions of mothers and fathers across the country are concerned about the kind of society we are leaving our children. Violence, vulgarity, profanity, sexual exploitation. The list is long. Have you felt helpless? Would you like to do something to stem the tide? You can.

American Family Association's AFA ActionAlert gives you the opportunity to actually do something for our children and their future. AFA ActionAlert is the largest pro-family, pro-traditional values website in America. Nearly 3,000,000 people just like you have joined hands to make their voices heard.

Please consider joining with others who care. Join the AFA ActionAlert team. Our children need us.

Here is the link you will need to sign up:

https://secure.afa.net/afa/activism/subscribers/signup.aspx?rid=0

Thanks!

Coming Out

2008-04-09T07:31:00.001-07:00

An email from a friend of mine:

"My weekend wasn't so great. I told my parents. My dad just sat there and mumbled to himself. My mom ran into her room and started screaming NOO for like 15 minutes like an animal. Then she caming running after me screaming, "get out of my house you f***ing fa**ot." My dad tackled her before she got to me and I ran out of the house in my socks."

Man, and I thought my coming out was rough. This is honestly the worst coming out story I've heard from someone I know personally. The good news is that his dad met him later that day to tell him he didn't understand, but that'd he'd support him and wanted to keep the family together. However, he also told him that he was pretty sure his mom was no longer coming to his graduation.

Pretty unbelievable stuff. That's the unique thing about being gay and coming out. It's one of the only things I can think of where people actually have to consider that their "loving" families might turn on them and never look back. Hopefully his parents come around because if not, this one conversation possibly just changed his life forever.

Going to New Orleans

2008-04-01T06:43:00.000-07:00

Edit: April Fools, guys ;-)

If you haven't noticed, New Orleans is J's and my (how do you say that with correct grammar?) favorite city. We probably visit 3 or 4 times a year, and we're already making our 3rd visit in 2008 this year.

A friend of mine at work is going with some friends for her fiance's 30th birthday, and J and I decided to tag along. It's been a while since we've been to the city when it wasn't a holiday weekend, so we jumped at the opportunity.

We haven't really mentioned this to any of our friends or family yet, but we have an alternate motive behind going to NOLA this time too. We've been talking about how much we'd love to live in New Orleans for a while, so this time we're going to take advantage of the long weekend to look at some properties we might be able to buy. We've got a Realtor lined up and everything, and we'll be spending Saturday visiting a few open houses and looking at some places that are on the market. Hopefully it works out.

A large hotel chain called me back after I submitted my resume a few weeks ago, and they offered to fly me down for an interview next week too, so the only thing that's been holding us back so far (lack of employment opportunities) may be taken care of as well. So, fingers crossed. I'm so excited, and I'll keep you guys updated. I hope I don't become an alcoholic or something once we move. Yikes!

I'm a Champion

2008-03-31T12:13:00.000-07:00

At least that's what my plaque says. Over the weekend my younger brother and I played in a 3-on-3 basketball tournament hosted by the Houston Rockets with 2 of my cousin's in laws and managed to win or division.

I'm actually not sure how we pulled it off. Every team we played seemed to be bigger and more experienced, but we managed to go 6-1 and win. And, only one of the games was even that close.

What a fun time. I've played in dozens of sports tournaments like these and have never managed to win, so it was pretty exciting, even if it was just for bragging rights. Today I'm dealing with blistered feet, sore muscles, and a few cuts and scrapes (who knew basketball was so physical?), but it was definitely all worth it.

What to Do

2008-03-26T07:36:00.000-07:00

I've been sick this week and as a result have missed boot camp for the last few days. Which means I feel like a slacker and out of shape. I'm planning to go tomorrow and Friday, and then I'm playing in a basketball tournament this weekend, so hopefully that will help me not feel so lazy. I am sick, though, so maybe I should just cut myself some slack.

Whenever I start feeling lazy or unproductive I start thinking about things that I've kind of always wanted to do but haven't really ever done. I'm really not artistically or musically inclined at all. Basically my creativity is pretty nonexistent. I always admire people I know (both in real life and online) that are artistic or creative in some way. People that are good at art or design, people that can play music or write songs. Sometimes I wish I had that kind of talent, but every time I try I usually get frustrated with my lack of talent and give up.

I'm decent at sports (even if I need to start playing more), but for some reason something artistic seems more valuable to me. Maybe it's a "grass is greener" thing. Maybe if I got back into playing sports regularly I'd feel more content. Maybe I should just be more disciplined with my free time and force myself to actually get out and do something. Who knows.

So, for those of you that are reading, any ideas?

Is a Hummer better Than a Prius?

2008-03-20T08:07:00.000-07:00

Is a Hummer better than a Prius? Well, if you're talking about looks, then I vote yes. And, if you're talking about hauling things around or going off road, then I vote yes again. And, if you're talking about being better for the environment, some people would say yes to that too.

You may have heard the claims (or read the email forwards) recently about the all-mighty, environmentally friendly, Prius being less green than the folks at Toyota claim. But, are they so anti-green that even a Hummer uses up less of the environment's resources? Well, that's the word around town these days, but it turns out the rumors aren't as true as they claim to be.

It all started with Rush Limbaugh. Well, actually it all started with a 400-plus page marketing report titled "Dust to Dust" from a company called CNW Marketing Research. Then the rumor got a bit more steam when the student newspaper at Central Connecticut University cited the CNW "Dust to Dust" report (yes I said student newspaper at a college you've never heard of) in an editorial. Then Rush Limbaugh really took the rumor to the next level when he praised the editorial (yes I said Rush Limbaugh praised an editorial from a student newspaper about a story that has little basis in fact--I'll save my disdain for him for another time).

So, with the rumor going full steam now, some people decided to really look into this "Dust to Dust" report. The report basically claims that the lifetime of a Hummer is more environmentally friendly than the lifetime of a Prius, from research and manufacturing until the end of the car's life. Unfortunately, it takes some pretty ridiculous liberties and makes some completely unfounded claims, including claiming the life of a Prius is only 109,000 miles when Toyota offers a warranty of 150,000 miles on the car. I'll let you decide if the claim of the average life of a hummer being 379,000 is accurate (the industry average is nearly 179,000 miles). I'll just say that I didn't know that GMs were known for their reliability, especially more than double the industry average.

Go to the Slate.com article to read some more of the baseless claims this study uses to justify their opinion-shrouded-as-fact. But, you should know that the author of the student editorial partially recanted his claims from the CNW study, basically saying that the study was dubious at best, but his beliefs that hybrids aren't as environmentally sound as they are being marketed still stands. Fine, but at least now we know it's his opinion and not hard fact. For the record, Rush Limbaugh has not recanted in spite of the still-flowing rumor. Rush Limbaugh isn't ever wrong, you see.

So, in the end, it's all a hoax. Just like the rumors about getting HIV from a hypodermic needle in a pay phone (I guess that one's going to die pretty soon due to lack of pay phones). If you want a Prius for lower gas mileage and to help the environment, go buy it. Just don't buy it if you are trying to drive a nice looking car. If you want that, I say stick with the Hummer.

To Sally Kern: Words Have Meaning

2008-03-13T15:18:00.001-07:00

I haven't posted yet about Sally Kern's recent anti-gay rant over in Oklahoma. But, unless you've been living under a rock, I'm sure you've heard about it. I can hear the "hate the sin" argument until my ears bleed, but what many people like Sally Kern fail to realize is that words have meaning.

Sure, she didn't tell anyone to call gays names. She didn't tell anyone to beat a gay person, and she obviously didn't suggest to kill gay people. But in the end, words do have meanings, and what she did do, very clearly, is tell people that gays are worse than terrorists. She put normal Americans that happen to be gay on the same (no worse) footing as murderers and killers.

Sally Kern is claiming that her words were taken out of context, but I simply can't imagine any context that would make such inflammatory words acceptable. And while she'll get the backing of the far right claiming that she is simply exercising her free speech rights and that her words certainly aren't inciting or advocating violence, I'll know that her words have had an impact. Somewhere (probably lots of somewheres), those anti-gay folks that do like to taunt gays, beat them up, and even kill them feel just a little more vindicated when they here words like Sally's.

I'm not alone in this. Over at Pam's House Blend, a high school student named Tucker shares similar sentiments and offers a first-hand account of what kind of impact speech like this can have on impressionable youth:

On April 19, 1995, in Oklahoma City a terrorist detonated a bomb that killed my mother and 167 others. 19 children died that day. Had I not had the chicken pox that day, the body count would've likely have included one more. Over 800 other Oklahomans were injured that day and many of those still suffer through their permanent wounds.
That terrorist was neither a homosexual or was he involved in Islam. He was an extremist Christian forcing his views through a body count. He held his beliefs and made those who didn't live up to them pay with their lives.
[snip]
Let me tell you the result of your words in my school. Every openly gay and suspected gay in the school were having to walk together Monday for protection. They looked scared. They've already experienced enough hate and now your words gave other students even more motivation to sneer at them and call them names. Afterall, you are a teacher and a lawmaker, many young people have taken your words to heart. That happens when you assume a role of responsibility in your community. I seriously think before this week ends that some kids here will be going home bruised and bloody because of what you said.

Words really do have meaning, and as long as this kind of hateful speech continues, I'll remain unimpressed by the far right's claims that their hands are clean of any anti-gay violence that just "happens" to take place.

Ex-Gays and Politics

2008-03-11T10:51:00.001-07:00

I've blogged a couple of times here about my thoughts on Ex-Gays and politics and why I really think the two don't mix. Ex-Gay Watch recently posted a post about Exodus' announcement to remove their organization from the political arena, and I'm hoping they actively going to seek that type of direction (in spite of a follow up post that is a bit concerning). For me, it seems like a conflict of interest to try to attract gay people over to your worldview when you are working hand-in-hand with people from the religious right--a group that has had anything but positive things to say about gay people thus far. Not to mention fighting against what gays believe are their fundamental rights. Why would I want to join a group that I perceive to be fighting against me?

After reading the Ex-Gay Watch post, I decided to look around and see what some of the Exodus guys had to say about the issue, and over at Mike Ensley's blog I found a comment from Karen, a woman involved in ex-gay ministry, but who nonetheless articulates my frustration with the mixture of ex-gay and politics perfectly. I encourage you to read her entire comment, but here's my favorite part:

My concern about the political involvement is that I am afraid it keeps people from Jesus. I am concerned about the lesbian feminist democrat who may have just ecided to leave homosexuality and how in the world will she ever connect with Exodus that has so much of a Religious Right cultural flavor? Or what about the youth who are very turned off by the Religious Right and will identify less and less with Exodus and other organizatons as a result? Focus on the Family is on the decline with donors etc for this very reason. Or what about the gay community at large? I am worried that this fight for our rights has put ourselves first before others and thus is not in best interest for the gospel. To me it feels like a stumbling block to the gospel.
What are the specific objectives of talking to politicians? Are these objectives being met? And are the objectives gospel driven? Do the benefits outweigh the costs?

Very nicely put, Karen.

Happy Anniversary--A Little Late

2008-03-11T07:12:00.000-07:00

In my defense, I did actually remember my anniversary on Sunday--I just forgot to blog about it. Hopefully that makes it at least a little better.

I was talking to my mom this morning, and she told me what a wonderful blog post J had written about our anniversary. It's been up since Sunday, and here I am on Tuesday and I hadn't even read it yet. So, I went over there today to read it for the first time.

I'm going to keep my post short. I've spent plenty of space on my blog saying how lucky I am. So, go over to J's blog to see one of the sweetest blog posts I've ever read. For me, I can say that these 9 years really have been better than I ever thought they could be. Can you believe it's been 9 years? We've been together since sophomore year in college...when I was still a teenager. How crazy is that?

I hope J's post is more true than the little "poem" he wrote. I'm sure it is though. Here's to 90 years more (oh, and for those of you that are wondering...our wedding anniversary is this summer, so expect a similar post then too ;-)

Ellen DeGeneres on Anti-Gay Murder

2008-03-03T14:05:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine just sent me this Youtube post from the Ellen Degeneres Show. Ellen is commenting on the recent murder of a 15 year old by his classmate because he was gay. It's worth watching. I'm glad to see people like Ellen with mainstream appeal that can share these types of messages and actually be heard.

VOTE!

2008-02-29T12:50:00.000-08:00

I voted early today. If you're in Texas, don't forget to vote on Tuesday.

I was going to write a long post about who I voted for and why, but I'm not feeling up to it at the moment.

Let me give you the very short version:

While I like that Obama might help end a lot of the partisan bickering going on, and while I find him very smart, passionate, and inspiring, the more I think about his stances, the less substance I see, and that worries me.

ESPN's (almost) Gay Bash

2008-02-22T07:31:00.000-08:00

Let me start by saying that I've never been involved in any type of anti-gay confrontation. I've never had anyone call me a fag, like pomo recently did, I've never been threatened, and I most certainly have never been beaten up because I'm gay. That's not to say that these types of things don't happen. I've just been lucky enough to not have them happen to me.

Obviously, not everyone's so lucky. Recently LZ Granderson, a senior writer for ESPN The Magazine, wasn't as lucky as me, and now that it's over, I'm sure he's just feeling lucky that he didn't have to go to the hospital. Just last week while in New Orleans for the NBA All Star Game, the sports writer literally thought he might die at the hands of an anti-gay crowd. While walking through the craziness of the French Quarter, LZ was picked out of a crowd and berated for being gay. As he tried to ignore the taunts, they got worse and more people joined in. Soon enough, Granderson was surrounded, and had it not been for some nearby police officers, violence would have been next.

All because he's gay. What an unbelievable phenomenon.

In the article, Granderson calls for the NFL to take a stronger stance against homophobia (a call I've heard gay people make to other organizations recently too), and he unabashedly tells his readers that he does have an agenda. He "want[s] a country where it isn't OK to get the snot kicked out of you because you're different."

I love that he came out and said it, because for all of the rhetoric coming from the far-right and the anti-gay folks, the reality is that gay agenda has nothing to do with trying to turn kids gay or destroying the morality, history, and traditions of western civilization. It's all about wanting to live in a world where getting beaten up just for being gay isn't a concern. It's about not having to worry that walking down the street and just looking "too gay" might turn into a black eye. It's about human decency.

So, let me go on record with LZ and say that I've got an agenda too. Call it the gay agenda--the real gay agenda. I'm here to show people (in this blog and in realy life) how normal gay people really are in hopes that someday I won't have to read these kind of stories anymore. In my little way, I'm going to spread the gay agenda.

(hat tip: Ex-Gay Watch)

Obama and Clinton in Houston

2008-02-21T11:17:00.000-08:00

Obama and Clinton in Houston, and I saw them both this week. Well, I saw Chelsea rather than Bill or Hillary, but I saw her from about 5 feet away with only about 100 other people, so that makes it worth it.

Both were great speakers. J's mom said she felt like we saw what will come to be known as one of the great speeches of the century from Obama. He was incredibly eloquent, very passionate, and extremely dynamic. I've honestly never seen people get so excited over politics before. He might be the guy that finally helps put all of this partisan nonsense to rest.

I will say that I couldn't shake this feeling that Obama reminded me just a little of the kid running for class President promising his fellow students "no school on Fridays" to the cheers of the assembly hall. A lot of great ideas, but I felt like he was lacking some of the "hows." And, maybe it's my pessimism, but the President can only do so much.

Chelsea was also great . The setting was obviously a lot different (I saw Obama with 18,000 other people), but she fit the venue we saw her in very well. She prefers small groups, and you could see why. She was sweet, endearing, and very personal (and beautiful, I must say). Her talk was almost all Q&A, so maybe she benefited from that, but she went into specifics about the "hows" that Obama seemed to leave out. She's a great spokesperson for her mother, I'll definitely give her that. And, while the Obama supporters seemed like they were ready for a Bon Jovi concert (cheering, yelling, and going nuts), the Hillary folks were not just trying to get us excited, but they were walking around spelling out exactly how to caucus here in Texas.

Wow, what a big week. Both were last minute decisions for J and me, but we're really glad we went.

And, after all this...I still have no idea who I'm voting for. Is John McCain coming to town soon?